Fashion Mistakes Every Mother-Of-The-Groom Should Avoid On Their Son's Wedding Day

Weddings are obviously such important events, filled with joy, but also there is protocol that requires thoughtful sensitivity. This is true for guests as much as it is for family, and the mother-of-the-groom has her own delicate world of guidelines to follow. Much of this careful consideration has to do with the fashion on the big day. So to avoid stepping on anyone's toes — most of all the new daughter-in-law — the mother-of-the-groom has some fashion guidelines to follow. 

The truth is that a great deal of wedding planning involves careful decorum around outfits. Weddings have a whole range of styles, so there's a useful guide to all of the different wedding dress codes. Weddings also generate all kinds of tastes, and there's a way to curate a wedding aesthetic that feels unique to you and your loved ones. Even for the bride herself, wedding dress shopping is a big part of the experience, and one that can feel overwhelming. So if you have no idea where to start with wedding dress shopping, we have some insights for you. From the bride and groom to the guests, and parents included, everyone's thoughtfully trying to express their love and support through their outfits. For the mother-of-the-groom, there are some specific things to be mindful of. To get expert advice, Women.com spoke with Danielle Rothweiler, owner of Rothweiler Event Design, and Nikesha Tannehill Tyson, etiquette expert from the Swann School of Protocol in Shreveport and author of the book "Going Public," to nail the fashion of the mother-of-the-groom. 

Any wedding guest, even a family member, should never upstage the bride on her big day. This is always the primary focus when choosing what to wear for a wedding. For the mother-of-the-groom, this rule rings especially true on her son's wedding day since the groom's mother is an important figure and will be featured in many of the wedding photos, during the speeches, and even perhaps during the ceremony. At the center of this rule is the mantra to never wear white. "This SHOULD go without saying, but I've seen things ... Do not wear white unless explicitly instructed by the couple," Danielle Rothweiler told Women.com exclusively. "If you have to question, 'Is this too white?' it is." 

While white is always a no-no unless otherwise instructed, the mother-of-the-groom should also be mindful of the bridal party colors. "The mothers should consider not being in the same color as the bride tribe to avoid looking like part of the wedding party in photos," Nikesha Tannehill Tyson explained to Women.com. It's a wise decision, and a polite one, to wear a different tone than the bridesmaids. The color of the mother-of-the-groom's outfit matters, so ask about bridal party colors to then make a suitable choice in a different tone. Good color choices are navy blue, charcoal, burgundy, or soft pastels, like a baby blue, depending on the season. 

Another factor to keep in mind while choosing a mother-of-the-groom outfit is the dress code of the wedding. Some bridal couples like to keep things more casual, while others opt for a more formal vibe for their big day. As the mother-of-the-groom, it's of the utmost importance to be mindful of this factor while choosing an outfit. "It's very important for the mother-of-the-groom to also follow the dress code," Danielle Rothweiler stressed to Women.com. "If this is black tie, then she needs to be in a formal dress suited for that. If it's not as formal, putting on an evening gown is a grab for attention and not acceptable." Overdressing is its own faux pas at a wedding. 

It's also important for the mother-of-the-groom to consider the length and look of her dress. "The attire for the mother-of-the-groom should mirror the formality and style of the wedding and the colors should complement the wedding colors," Nikesha Tannehill Tyson noted exclusively. "The mothers do not have to match the dress length, but should be in the same general range. If the bride tribe dresses are floor length, the mother-of-the-groom's dress should not be tea length," she added. Tyson also noted that it's important for the mother-of-the-groom to refrain from plunging necklines, very short dress lengths, or any style that's too revealing or fitted. The goal is to match the dress code and look polished and presentable.

Because weddings tend to be the bride's day, it's common practice for the mother-of-the-bride to take precedence over the mother-of-the-groom. "Traditionally, the mother-of-the-bride has the courtesy of first choice on selecting the color and style," Nikesha Tannehill Tyson told Women.com exclusively. "After her selection, she should communicate to the mother-of-the-groom to ensure they coordinate to avoid being twins or even a clash in style and formality." Some brides and grooms want the moms to match or coordinate looks, while others are fine with the moms selecting their own outfits. It's all about communicating with the bride ahead of time. 

Since a wedding is a merging of two families, the experience between the two moms can be a very social, happy one. Danielle Rothweiler told Women.com that it's very common for the two women to speak ahead of time. "The moms can simply connect over a phone call about this to make sure they are not going to look like twins unless there is a color palette that they are supposed to follow," Rothweiler explained. "The moms I have worked with over the years wanted to make sure they didn't have the same dress or colors as to not pull attention." Tyson added that the two moms could even shop together to make sure that their looks are cohesive with the aesthetic of the wedding. It also creates a meaningful way to bond over the upcoming nuptials. 

One of the best guiding principals for picking out a dress as the mother-of-the-groom is to communicate with the bride before the wedding day. "When in doubt, reach out to the couple who will gladly share their vision for the special day," Nikesha Tannehill Tyson told Women.com exclusively. A simple check-in is sufficient. 

Communicating about one's prospective look is actually a considerate act to the bride. "Honestly, it's not mandatory but it is a nice gesture to show the bride options you are considering to get her opinion as well," Danielle Rothweiler explained. This gives the mother-of-the-groom an opportunity to hear what the aesthetic of the day will be. In terms of a timeline, if possible, it's good to have this chat around six to nine months before the wedding to have time to plan appropriately and to avoid overwhelming the couple too close to the big day. It's also wise to assume that the mother-of-the-groom is paying for her own dress, unless the couple specifically states that they are purchasing outfits for the family. 

While there are important formalities to be mindful of on the big day, it's also absolutely essential for the mother-of-the-groom to choose an outfit that makes her feel confident and comfortable. This is one of the biggest days for a mom. Her son is finally getting married! While every mother-of-the-groom wants to be thoughtful and conscientious, it's also important to make sure that the outfit is comfortable and wearable. Weddings can be long events with dancing, hugging, eating, sitting, and standing. Make sure you can move your arms comfortably. Make sure those shoes are realistic (or pack an extra pair in your purse so you can hit the dance floor). 

Also, be mindful of the fact that it's a heavily photographed day. As Nikesha Tannehill Tyson reminded Women.com, "The goal is for the mothers to choose a style in which they feel confident, comfortable, and make for great photos." A good hack is to take some photos of yourself in the outfit beforehand to see how you like the look of your finished idea. After all, wedding photos tend to get framed and shared amongst the relatives for years to come, so it's nice to have photos circulating where you feel good about your choice.