Women In Their 40s On Reddit All Echo The Sentiment About Giving Up People-Pleasing: 'It's Freeing'

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People-pleasing is the habit of attending to other people's needs at the expense of your own, and it can be exhausting. Women tend to struggle with it more often than men. However, plenty of women are rejecting people-pleasing as they age. Instead, they're reconnecting with — and reprioritizing — themselves. "There's something about turning 40 that just hit different," wrote one Reddit user. "I was like 'I mean business; bc life is too short.'"

Many women share that they feel less burdened by other people's opinions as they get older. "This is my FAVORITE thing about being in my 40s," wrote one Reddit user. "Just wait till you're in your 50s," added another Reddit user. "You really don't care." Quitting people-pleasing has been linked to increased self-esteem, less anxiety, and greater intimacy. Many women also find that when they stop putting themselves last, they gain independence — even if they've been married for years.

In fact, this sense of inner peace can be so wonderful that it totally shifts some women's attitudes toward aging. "I used to overthink and worry about what people thought or hurting everyone's feelings and not worrying about mine. Now? I DO NOT CARE," wrote one Reddit user. "I WISH I would've felt this way in my 20s. My life would've been so much better." For many women, their forties and beyond are the first time they can truly live authentically. Perhaps that's why actor Hilarie Burton quipped that aging well means "acting like a man."

Breaking your people-pleasing habit is easier said than done. After all, it's a behavior many women have been practicing for their whole lives. But it's never too late to change your relationships, as former first lady Michelle Obama proved when she gave a masterclass in unlearning people-pleasing. "Speaking up for yourself is a muscle, and it's going to take some practice for that muscle to grow stronger and more confident," Krystal Mazzola Wood, therapist and author of "Setting Boundaries: 100 Ways to Protect Yourself, Strengthen Your Relationships, and Build the Life You Want...Starting Now!", told Women's Health.

"When we know better, we do better," wrote one Reddit user, who recommended books including "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson. Another Reddit user wrote, "I started caring less and less what others thought of me and started testing waters with being way more direct and starting saying no, although tactfully. They added, "But the most major was the revelation that I personally respected people way more who were always direct than people who had a reputation for always being nice."