Being pregnant is an amazing gift— and a total head f*ck. While some women find being pregnant the most natural thing in the world and revel in every moment of it, most women find that some super weird sh*t goes down when pregnant.
That doesn’t mean that you love the whole process any less, it just means that you spend a lot of time wondering what is going on. What’s going on with your body, what’s going on with your appetite, what’s going on with your hormones. Everything you knew about yourself goes straight out the damn window.
Because even though you’re prepared for changes, you probably weren’t prepared for this many changes. Your body is telling you that you need to get everything set up in the baby’s room and buy 20,000 bits of tiny adorable clothing— at the same time it’s telling you that you need to eat three pounds of herring dipped in mustard. It’s a confusing time, to say the least.
So if you feel like you’ve become some kind of alien to yourself, don’t sweat it— you are definitely not alone. You’re just going through the joys of being pregnant. Whatever that means— because it’s different for everybody, but the hilariousness is universal.
1. Look At How Much Their Nipples Have Changed
They could eat your old nipples for breakfast. They would leave your old nipples in the damn dust.
2. Try Balancing Food On Their Bellies
That's what pregnant women do in movies, right? You have to try it.
3. Go Furrowing For Random Hair
What the hell are these hormones doing?! There?! There? How is there a hair there?
4. Watch Birthing Videos In Horror
You think you need to get used to it but nope. Nopenopenopenope. It's just too much.
5. Come Up With Ridiculous Ways To Try And Tie Your Shoes
You're a grown woman. You will do it yourself. Even if it involves a hanger, some twine, and a treadmill. You will make it happen.
6. Buy 10,000 Adorable Jumpsuits
Even though they baby will only fit into them for a week.
7. Wonder WTF Happened To Your Hair
Pregnancy can be more extreme than a damn makeover.
8. Try To Spy On Future Mommy Friends
This pregnant woman seems not insane... can we be mom friends?
9. Try A Pregnancy Excercise Class... Once
And never go back. Never, ever go back. The farting alone is enough to put you off for life.
10. Eat Foods That Would Make Your Non-Pregnancy Self Want To Vomit
PEANUT BUTTER PICKLE ICE CREAM FOEVER AND EVER.
11. Have Borderline Sexual Dreams About Wine
And coffee. And sushi. All of the delicious things you miss during your pregnancy. The feelings are strong.
12. Change Your Mind 100 Times A Day
"Hon, can you get me some crackers? I mean pizza? I mean a foot rub? I mean an X-box?"
13. Be Happier Than You've Ever Been
Seriously. You might be scared— but you've never looked forward to something this much. It's freaking amazing.
As amazing as being pregnant is— it's also crazy AF. You basically have an alien growing inside of you and your body goes totally haywire. Just coping with different things that happen to your body is enough of an experience in and of itself. Then combine that with getting ready to bring a damn life into this world, things are going to get weird. But own it, ladies. Because it's part of the weird and wonderful experience of being pregnant— so enjoy the ride.
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