13 Irrationally Hilarious Thoughts All Women Have While Trying On Swimsuits
"Why is this lighting trying to destroy me?"
With summer just around the corner, women are getting ready for that dreaded time of year once again: swimsuit shopping.
Ladies, we know that trying on swimsuits can be hell. Even the fittest among us can’t help but feel self-conscious while squeezing into what is essentially a lion-cloth.
All the wrong parts seem to get accentuated, you can never find your size, and you regret every burger you’ve ever eaten in your life.
But, ladies, remember that we tend to be our own harshest critics. Most of the thoughts you have while trying on swimsuits are irrationally hilarious:
1. Time to bring on the tears and self-loathing!
You just get into the dressing room. You try on your first bikini … and it’s a total failure. This is going to be a fun day.
2. Why is this lighting trying to destroy me?
Dressing room lighting is notoriously bad. It seems to just highlight every imperfection you have on your body.
3. This kind of looks good... Oh, who am I kidding?!
We can totally be our own worst enemy while swimsuit shopping. Even if something looks good, and our friends even say it looks good, we can sometimes let our self-criticism get the better of us.
4. Will this hold my boobs in if I get hit by a big wave?
You’ve got to think logistically about your bathing suit choices as well. You can’t get a top that will come flying off the second you hit the water. Or can you? You filthy girl.
5. Seriously, whoever set up the lighting needs to be tarred and feathered.
Good lighting can really make or break you, and it seems like the employees at the store you’re shopping in want to break your self-esteem into a million little pieces.
6. Is this giving me camel toe?
When you’re wearing a piece of clothing the length and width of your index finger on your crotch, things tend to get accentuated. Camel toe isn’t the only thing we worry about. We have the Brazilian bikini wax place on speed dial.
7. I didn’t have the muffin top when I left the house.
Not only is the lighting horrible in dressing rooms. It’s like they put fun house mirrors in there that add an extra 15 pounds to your body.
8. Did I grab this from the kids' section?
Swimsuits are already tiny, but this seriously looks like it’s meant to fit a five-year-old.
9. How hygienic is this hygienic liner?
We always see that hygienic liner in the bikini bottoms. But, does it actually do anything? Research shows that trying on swimsuits is actually a lot grosser than you think. So, you may want to leave your underwear on.
10. Does a one-piece scream “self-conscious?”
Yes, one-piece swimsuits are really in right now, and a lot of them are totally gorgeous. But, don’t you remember how you felt about tank-kinis? You may think that people think you’re insecure for getting a one-piece. Well, screw what people think.
11. This year I’m going for the thong bikini… eh, maybe next year.
You really want to do it. You want to be brave enough. You almost buy it, but then you think of all the stares you’re going to get at the beach and put it back on the rack.
12. That’s it, I’m not eating bread till September.
While trying on swimsuits, I also start planning out my diet for the next three months, because what’s happening in the mirror right now isn’t doing it for me.
13. Oh, I love that one... Of course it's a small. FML.
You find the perfect bikini. The bottom fits great, but the top barley covers your nipple. “Oh, you don’t have it in the next size up… Just my luck.” Shouldn’t swimsuit designers know by now that women’s hip to bust ratio is rarely equal?
Do any of these thoughts cross your mind while you try on swimsuits?
No matter how hard we can be on ourselves ladies, just remember that no matter what swimsuit you choose, you're going to look totally gorgeous on the beach this summer.
Share your most absurd thought while trying on swimwear!