10 Harry Potter Characters Who Seriously Needed To Get Laid

sex, NSFW, movies/tv, harry potter
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Let's be real. A solid boning could've SERIOUSLY benefited many a Hogwarts resident.

With all the exams, death eaters, 3 headed dogs, forest creatures, homework, and other stressors that came along with living at Hogwarts, it is no surprise that many a castle resident was incredibly tightly twisted...

1. Umbridge

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All I'm saying is carrying that much tension is not good for anybody. Someone needed to loosen this lady up. A good O could've stopped at least 1 or 2 of those ridiculous decrees. If she had her own side piece maybe she wouldn't have been so offended by all the horny teenagers.

2. Slughorn

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Slughorn had way too much time on his hands, and spent far too much of it attempting to have intellectual conversations with teenagers. An experienced Dom would've done him wonders. He seems like he'd be into that.

3. Snape, dear lord, Snape

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Snape was tortured by the death of Lily. We get it. And it's tragic and sad and all that, but she was gone. Dude needed to move on. Losing a true love is not worth a lifetime of celibacy. Someone needed to show Snape why our voices can function above monotone.

4. Dean

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Poor Dean. He was always there, but never really wanted. We all know there wasn't any action during his brief relationship with Ginny. Perhaps he would've been slightly more interesting/useful of a character after getting some T&A.

5. Seameus

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Seameus seriously needed something ELSE do to with his hands. If they had been occupied feeling someone up, or otherwise, he would've set many less fires. In fact, I'm convinced the fires were a manifestation of his sexual frustration. Time to make something else explode, Seamus.

6. Griphook

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Griphook needed his world rocked. He needed an earth shattering BJ, and then, maybe, just maybe, he could've learned to smile.

7. Filch

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Filch was pretty much the epitome of a lonely, old, grumpy man that hasn't had sex in 40 years, or more likely, ever. Like if he were a muggle, he would've had 50 years of playboys under his bed, 8 more cats (all female), and a perpetually broken wrist.

8. Crabbe & Goyle

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So, I put Crabbe and Goyle together because they were always together. Now I'm not saying they needed to do IT together, but I'm also not saying that would be an entirely surprising occurrence either. You do you, boys. If they had been shown one pair of boobs - heck even just one boob - they'd have left Malfoy in a heartbeat and never looked back. It also definitely could've helped them put down the sweets and get their cardio in.

9. Percy Weasley

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Because Percy, you have the world's largest stick up you ass. Much like Umbridge, you could've seriously benefited from a good boning. One orgasm and you would've completely forgotten about all the 'important,' stupid shit you cared SO much about.

10. Moaning Myrtle

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This girl seriously needed to reassess her definition of the word moan. I am convinced the only thing that could've ever shut Myrtle up was 3 rounds with Cedric Diggory. Come on Cedric, take one for the team.


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