Self-sabotage is a sneaky thing. More often than not, we are our own worst enemy and the only thing that really stands between us and happiness.
Here's how we dwell on the negative and prevent ourselves from being happy:
1. Not Confronting Your Inner Critic
You know that voice in your head that’s always ready with a reason to tell you why you suck, that you’ll never get it together, and that your life is one big road to disaster? Of course you know it, we all do.
The two traps most people fall into with said voice are either a) believing it without question or b) Attempting to ignore it all together. The truth is, the voice occasionally has a point- but rarely one that isn’t completely blown out of proportion.
Rather than believe it when it tells you you’ll be single forever and die alone with your cats, ask if perhaps it’s upset about the fact that your boyfriend seems reluctant to take the next step on the road to commitment.
Once you know what the problem actually is, you’ll be a lot closer to knowing what you need to do about it, which will reassure the voice into shutting up and letting you handle things.
2. Staying Trapped Inside Your Comfort Zone
Sound like an oxymoron? Unfortunately, not always. This is not to say that the key to life is in throwing reasonable caution to the wind.
The danger comes in when staying comfortable subconsciously becomes the sole guiding force in your life.
Needless to say, few great things in life come without effort, sacrifice, and overcoming obstacles. So the next time you feel yourself getting a little too cozy in your comfort zone, remind yourself that sometimes it can actually be the most dangerous place to be.
3. Delegating Your Own Resolutions To “Do It Later”
Let’s face it, this is one we’re all guilty of and occasionally that’s okay. When you’re trying to struggle to maintain your work life, social life, home life, and all the other lives you may have on tap, sometimes it’s totally fine to take a break.
In the long run however, if you’ve got time to do something, you’ll end up far less stressed out if you just go for it. There’s nothing worse than when those million little “do it tomorrow’s” add up into one big massive pile of “oh shit, I forgot to’s.”
4. Hanging Onto Past Hurts
When it comes to forgiving others, the temptation is to feel like in order to vindicate other’s wrongs we must cling to resentments until we get a well-deserved apology that may or may not ever come.
The horrible truth however, is that such an attitude rarely does anything except allow the other person to continue to hurt you long after they may have moved on and forgotten the incident entirely.
Though forgiveness is not the same as the refusal to set future boundaries, keep in mind that it is a gift you give yourself and doesn’t even have to be about the other person at all.
By letting the past stay in the past where it belongs, you’ll end up with a lot less baggage you have to carry around which can go a surprisingly long way in setting yourself free.
5. Trying To Control Things You Just Can’t
The truth is, no matter how successful, smart, or beautiful you may be, you will never be able to control everything in life that happens to you.
The good news however, is that no matter how broke, lonely, or miserable you may feel, the one thing no one can ever take away from you is your ability to choose how you respond to the things that happen to you.
Though it may sound simple, this one little change in perspective will go a long way towards giving you a true sense of control that no person or situation can ever take away from you.
6. Playing The Blame Game
This is not to say that sometimes people don’t suck- some days they do. Other days they do a lot. Again however, the key is in how you respond to said suckiness.
Either you can sit around and blame them for what’s going wrong in your life and let bitterness consume you or you can realize that haters are occasionally gonna hate and decide to do your thing anyway.
If someone becomes an obstacle in your life, acknowledge it but don’t do yourself the disservice of wasting time dwelling on it.
7. Trying To Change Others
Ever watched someone head into a bad relationship, situation, or choice and feel like you’re watching a slow moving train wreck just waiting to happen? Sadly, our opinions aren’t always welcome and even when they are there’s no way to guarantee our excellent advice will always be heeded.
Rather that stress about it however, try to come to the place where you can respect others enough to allow them to make their own mistakes.
Even if you learned a lesson the hard way, it’s not your responsibility to steer others away from a painful lesson they may need to learn for themselves.
8. Getting Caught Up In Comparing
Isn’t it amazing how quickly we can compare ourselves to people who have the things we want and how rarely we compare ourselves to those who are worse off?
There’s an old saying that says that no matter where you’re at, you have at least one thing in your life that one other person in the world truly believes would make their life perfect.
So give yourself a break! Rather than compare yourself to people who seem to have it all, compare yourself to earlier versions of yourself to measure your own progress. After all, this the only comparison you can really make where you’re guaranteed to have all the facts.
9. Being Afraid To Speak Your Mind
Similar to the comfort zone trap, the refusal to have an argument just to avoid conflict can be an incredibly tempting one indeed. The truth however, is that there’s a way to have a healthy disagreement and sometimes it’s even important to.
There’s nothing worse than sticking it out in a relationship where you’re not getting what you need just because you’re too afraid to ask.
Remember that conflict doesn’t have to be angry, screamy, or otherwise unpleasant. Until you make sure others know your needs and boundaries however, they’re not completely to blame for how they interact with you.
10. You Put Short-Term Over Long-Term Pleasure
Though we all know the allure of swiping that credit card one extra time when you’re broke or having that one… okay those three extra drinks the night before a big presentation, remember that long-term misery is made of short-term compromises.
Everything from addiction to massive credit card debt is in reality just a series of countless of “one last times.”
11. You Mistake This Moment For Forever
One of the worse things about grief, depression, and loneliness is that they all seem to come with a sense of panic that assures you they’ll never end.
In reality, very few things are actually the end of the world or even of your own world. The next time you feel overwhelmed, sit down and write out every problem in your life.
Then go back in a week, a month, maybe even a year later and see how many of them you even remember. Though life can get rough and we may even need help getting through it's hardest times, with a little self-love and positive action, there are few things that won’t get easier with time.
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