Everything You Need to Know About Your Sex Life After 40

Leslie Mann staring at Paul Rudd's butt in This Is 40 (2012)
This Is 40 via Universal Pictures

No, you don't stop having sex.

Your Sex Life After 40, Explained

Contrary to popular belief, you don't stop having sex once you hit 40.

In fact, many older people will tell you sex actually gets better with age.

So what is it? Do you become celibate once turn the big 4-0, or do you experience the most wild, animalistic sex of your entire life?

We're here to answer all your burning questions about your sex life after 40, so get to scrolling!

This Is 40 via Universal Pictures

Changes in Your Sex Life After 40

Just as with any part of life, there are good changes and bad changes that happen to your sex life after 40. Let's discuss those a bit further, shall we?

It's Hard to Find Time to Have Sex

As you get older, your schedules get busier and busier. Between working, having kids, and taking care of yourself, having sex becomes less and less of a priority. Especially because when you're in a committed relationship with someone, you don't feel the need to offer them sex as a means to keep them around.

When you were younger, it was probably easier for you to hop into the sack with any Tom, Dick, or Harry. Now that you've settled on Tom (or Dick or Harry or Harriet), there's not that desire to bang it out all the time. This is why we're proponents of scheduling sex with your husband. It'll be weird at first, but you'll feel so much better once you get back into the rhythm again.

Sex Difficulties

While women may experience vaginal dryness due to perimenopause and menopause, men can endure a wide range of sexual difficulties, including ejaculation disorders, erectile dysfunction, or loss of libido. Just because these things can happen, doesn't mean they will. As always, be sure to talk to your doctor if any of these issues are hindering you or your partner from engaging in the intercourse you deserve.

You're More Confident

When you're younger, you're not as sure of yourself or your body. You fear what your partner is thinking about how you look naked and aren't as inclined to try things out in the bedroom. That all gets thrown out the door when you get older. You're more confident in who you are and are also more likely to experiment with new positions or sexual acts. When you were once nervous about brining a vibrator into the bedroom, now you'll feel confident asking your partner to engage in some role-play. Let your sexual fantasies run wild!

Sex Means Something

While you may have more sex when you're younger, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sometimes you have sex just to have sex. But as you age, sex starts to mean something more than simply penetration. It allows you to be more intimate and closer with your partner. It's more about fulfilling each other's desires more emotionally, rather than just banging it out for the sake of doing it.

It's Complicated via Universal Pictures

What a Healthy Sex Life After 40 Looks Like

Changes will happen, but what does a healthy sex life look like after 40? Are couples going at it every day or not at all? Are they only doing missionary, or experimenting with karma sutra? More details down below!

Open Communication

Couples that communicate their needs and wants in the bedroom tend to have better sex. Rather than expecting your partner to understand what you want, you need to tell them. A healthy sex life means openly communicating with your partner about everything. That includes you wanting to try BDSM or brining in a sex toy to update your usual routine.

Having Sex at Least Once a Week

It's recommended by many therapists that couples have sex at least once a week. Yes, you can have sex more times a week than that, but start with once and maybe work your way up. And yes, there is such a thing as too much sex. If it starts to interfere with your ability to do everyday tasks like go to work or eat, then you're having too much of it.

Healthy Sex Means Safe Sex

Having safe, consensual, protected sex isn't something to be overlooked now that you're older. Just because you know you and your partner have been tested, doesn't mean you don't run the risk of other sex-related diseases. You may be at risk for HIV, which is why you should talk to your doctor about taking PrEP, an anti-HIV drug women can take daily. And don't forget, use condoms!

Home Again via Open Road Films

How to Improve Your Sex Life After 40

Let's say your sex life isn't all that healthy or where you want it to be. Lucky for you, we've rounded up a few things you can do to improve it.

Break Routine

Sex gets pretty boring when you solely do it in missionary with the same person for 10 plus years. We know we said to schedule sex, but that doesn't mean you need to schedule your positions or the acts you perform either. Switch up what you do and dare to try new things. Just be sure to get your partner's consent beforehand.

Don't Avoid It

You'll go through lulls with your sexual desires, and that's perfectly normal. Plenty of people deal with this, but don't use that as an excuse to avoid sex until you feel ready. Because let's be honest, that moment may never come. Jump right back in the saddle and give it another go!

Take Care of Yourself

Your body doesn't work if you don't work. Make sure you schedule regular doctor's visits to check in on your nether regions every so often. They're a vital part of sex. They're not called your sexual organs for no reason at all, so make sure they're working right. If something feels off, call your doctor. Don't let vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction stop you from enjoying one of life's greatest pleasures.

Friends via NBC

Let's Keep the Conversation Going

Care you tell us how your sex life changed after 40? Tweet us @womendotcom or message us on Facebook.