The 12 Steps Of Buying Your First Vibrator, As Told By Betty White

celebs, betty white
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Betty knows best.

When buying your first vibrator, you'll probably have more than a few questions: Where do I buy one? How many volts will get the job done? Why does this one look like a Pokémon?

Don't start stocking your nightstand with Samantha-Jones-approved toys just yet — it's important to test the battery-operated waters before you dive all the way in.

Here are the 12 phases you can expect when buying your first vibrator, as told by the one and only Betty White:

1. WHEN YOUR DETACHABLE SHOWER HEAD JUST DOESN’T CUT IT ANYMORE

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2. WHEN YOU ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU’RE TOO HORNY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

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3. WHEN YOU’RE EMBARRASSED TO ASK YOUR GIRL FRIENDS WHAT TOYS THEY USE

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4. WHEN YOU GOOGLE VIBRATORS AND DON’T WANT ANYONE LOOKING AT YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN

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5. WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE SEX SHOP AND HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU’RE DOING

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6. WHEN YOU BRING YOUR BF OR BFF ALONG FOR MORAL SUPPORT

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7. WHEN YOU GET OVERWHELMED BY ALL THE SIZES, SHAPES, AND FEATURES

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8. WHEN THE SALES ASSOCIATE CONVINCES YOU TO BUY WAY TOO MANY SEX-CCESSORIES

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9. WHEN YOU SLOWLY TEST THE STRENGTH OF THE VIBRATOR FOR THE FIRST TIME

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10. WHEN YOU START TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR VIBRATOR’S DIFFERENT SETTINGS

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11. WHEN YOU FINALLY HAVE YOUR FIRST BATTERY-OPERATED ORGASM

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12. WHEN YOU’VE HAD YOUR FUN WITH VIBRATOR #1 AND ARE READY FOR A MORE POWERFUL UPGRADE

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