On any given Girls Night Out, someone will inevitable bring up the topic of sex.
One of my girl friends will complain about never having orgasms. Another about never being in the mood. And seemingly everyone about never being satisfied with their sex lives as a whole.
When it’s my turn to air my sexual grievances, I feel both awkward and guilty for not having anything to complain about. I can have more orgasms in one session than most women have in a week. I can get in the mood even when I’m tired or sick. And I’m more and more satisfied with my sex life the older I get.
So what’s my secret to a stellar sex life? There’s one key reason I can’t complain:
I’m always present during sex.
I literally cannot recall a single time my mind has wandered off during sex. Yet plenty of women report thinking about their to-do list, their favorite Netflix show, or fantasies of other people while doing the deed.
If you’re not 100% in the moment during sex, you’re simply not going to get aroused and stay aroused.
I’m not trying to villainize or shame people who can’t stay present while having sex. It’s normal to get distracted — even if you’re turned on and having a good time. But distracting thoughts are proven to block women from achieving orgasms.
Staying focused in the bedroom doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people and requires a conscious effort. Here’s how you can be more mindful during sex:
Slowing down to clear your mind will help you relax and be more focused on your own body.
A bit of deep breathing can go a long way. It will bring all your attention back to your body.
Set the mood.
Make sure you’re picking the right environment away from other distractions. Lock the door, shut the phone off, turn on some calming music, and light a few candles to arouse your senses.
Make eye contact.
Actually looking at your partner during sex can help you connect and experience more intimate love making.
Too many couples dive right into sex without any foreplay or kissing. Even more couples stop kissing altogether once sex has begun. Kissing throughout the entire act will increase intimacy and help you focus on every last pleasurable sensation.
SHARE how you stay present during sex!