I once stayed in a relationship for 5 years even though I knew my boyfriend was cheating. He never featured me once on his social media the entire time we dated. He never changed his Facebook relationship status. His phone would mysteriously be off for hours and sometimes days at a time. He went missing a lot.
Everything he owned was password protected and his google search history was always cleared. He had the number for Dominos Pizza saved in his cell phone. He texted with Dominos late at night a lot. One time he had a hickey and when I confronted him about it he said one of his guy friends gave it to him as a joke. (???) I found a girl's sweater in his laundry once. At that point, I didn't even bring it up, I just cleaned and folded it.
At what point does turning a blind eye to cheating become condoning our significant other's behaviors?
Approximately 30-60% of people will engage in some form of infidelity during their relationship. So when you encounter it, and unfortunately-- you probably will-- what are you supposed to do?
Sorry to be your friend who doesn't sugar coat things, but remember, I've been here. If you don't address the situation, you're living in a world of delusion and showing your partner that his behaviors are okay. You are lessening your own self worth. You're telling your significant other, and the world, that you're so insecure that you'll settle for mistreatment.
What I'm telling you is that you're better than that. Snap out of it. Come back to reality. Acknowledge the pain of cheating and realize that it won't last forever. The sooner you address it, the sooner you can move through it and forward from it.
Ambivalence is what created this fantasy in the first place. Acknowledge the cheating. If you can't bring it up to your partner yet, at least admit it to yourself. Say it out loud. Tell your closest friend. Cry. Get mad. Break something. Scream into a pillow.
Most likely, justifying, covering up, and denying your emotions and his actions has been driving you crazy. It's a lot of pent up energy inside your body. And for what?
Step One: Get It Out.
You Might Be An Emotional Rollercoaster, And That's Okay Girl
Being cheated on makes you feel crazy. Someone lying to you makes you feel paranoid. Covering up for someone's behavior is exhausting.
Sometimes you just numb out so you don't have to feel at all.
Once you acknowledge your grief--and finally admit to yourself you're being cheated on-- you might go a little...cray. Just embrace it. Everyone's been through it, and it's to be expected. Allow the emotions to roll through you so they can get OUT of you.
Step Two: Feel All The Feels
Know You're Awesome
For once, put yourself first. Psychologically, it's been proven that cheating typically has nothing to do with the love someone has for their partner. You're not undesirable. You're not unloveable. Your partner made the mistake, not you. The only mistake is you turning a blind eye to his behavior and taking it and thinking you deserve it. You're amazing--let's start acting like it.
Step Three: Get Confident
This is no time to have a pity party for yourself. Put your big girl panties on, go out, and look your hottest. Remind yourself that you're a desirable woman--inside and out. Flirt. Put on your sexiest outfit and best lipstick. This isn't to attract a man, but it's to make yourself feel good. You deserve pleasure and attention. You are a bad ass bitch. Did you forget that? You're acting like you did. Go out and remind yourself.
Step Four: Slay
Confront Him, and Come with Evidence
Don't ask your partner if he's cheating. He'll say no. That's what cheaters do-- they lie. So you gotta come with evidence. Old emails, text message screenshots, phone bills, suspect Uber receipts, shirts with lipstick on the collar, an actual live human woman, whatever it takes. You can't deny the facts.
If he admits to his indiscretions, see where the conversation goes from there. If he lies straight to your face--- I think you know what has to happen. Stay strong.
Step Five: Bring The Receipts
Forgiveness IS An Option, If You Want
Okay so, you confront your partner about his cheating. He admits to it. He apologizes. He says it'll never happen again. He wants to seek counseling. He begs for you to stay with him. What now?
If you believe your significant other and want to give your relationship another shot, forgiveness is always an option. Many couples have survived cheating and come out stronger on the other end.
Step Five: Forgive, Don't Forget
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