You know how they say "those who can't do, teach?" That's pretty much me with boyfriends. I write about dating and relationships on the Internet for a living, but I have no idea how to actually be in one. I dated one guy on and off for five years who cheated on me constantly and was emotionally-and physically- abusive. I dated another guy who, two years after we broke up, contacted me to tell me he was married while we were seeing each other. One guy took me on a whirlwind romance of vacations, fancy dinners, meeting family, and looking at houses together and then just as quickly told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. Another man told me he was only interested in polyamory.
But if there's one thing I can say with utmost certainty it's this:
my bad relationships are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
The Benefit of Bad Boys
Without all the bad boys in my life, I'd have no idea what a good guy looked like. And I'll tell you another thing, I definitely wouldn't appreciate them.
Before my experience with bad men, good guys were invisible to me. And when I did see them, I walked all over them. I took advantage of them. I didn't realize that they were rare, precious jewels that inhabited this earth that I should keep in a safe and never ever let go of. I threw them out like they were lumps of coal. I emasculated them. I didn't find them "hot." Nice guys? Gross, no thank you.
But once a bad guy puts you through the ringer, once he comes home late for the millionth time with no explanation, once he flirts with the waitress right in front of you, once he refuses to commit, forgets to call, doesn't care about your anniversary, and wont do the dishes-- all the sudden you'll see that nice guy who's been there all along. And he'll seem pretty damn sexy to you.
Bad boys make you cry. Nice boys hold you while you do. An unpredictable bad boy will lead you right into the arms of reliable good one. You ever get so exhausted you just need a fucking nap? The bad boy is the exhaustion. The good guy is the nap. After you've been running marathons your entire life, finally you're just ready to lie down. But sometimes you don't know you need to rest until you've completely exhausted yourself.
Emotional Bottoms Are The Best Thing To Happen To You
If you're dating a bad boy right now, learn as much as you can from it. Remember, everything is just a lesson or a lifetime. You're on a journey, you're here for a reason. Don't beat yourself up for it. Every time a relationship ends, I think:
What won't I do again?
What won't I let someone do to me?
What will I do differently in my next relationship?
What are the red flags that I ignored?
What are my needs, wants, and non negotiables?
Bad Boys are Blessings in Disguise
So thank the ones from your past, and thank the one you're dating now. Because from dirt, flowers grow.
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