Lessons We Can Learn From Kate Middleton & Meghan Markle's Tumultuous Sister-In-Law Relationship

The merging of families can come with strife, as we've seen with the conflict between Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. When Meghan married Prince Harry on May 19, 2018, the world watched eagerly as the royal family gained a new member. While things seemed to go well at first, the sisters-in-law ended up feuding and haven't reconciled since. Of course, it didn't help that Meghan and Harry decided to step down as senior royals in January 2020 and move to California, where they lived completely differently from how they did with the royal family. Even Meghan's outfits she never could have worn as a royal show how much the couple changed after leaving England. But even before that, things seemed rocky between the two women. 

Even if you're not marrying into a royal family, entering a new family via marriage can come with its own learning curve. So, looking at Catherine and Meghan as examples, we're interested in the lessons we can learn from these women who had a hard time adjusting to their own changing family. Conflict between sisters-in-law can be very common, as the relationship brings up tensions, jealousies, and intense social pressure to be close. Thus, a friendship isn't always instant for women who find themselves connected through marriage, but there's hope. Using Catherine and Meghan as a launching pad, there are several lessons we can learn from this sister-in-law dynamic. 

Because sisters tend to have such a close, special bond, sisters-in-law are expected to replicate this dynamic. After all, from the outside, the two might have a lot in common. They're both connected to a family through love, no matter how each is joined to it. In the example of Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, they each fell in love with brothers from the royal family, so presumably, the two women would have similarities (and hardships) to bond over. After all, there are strange things about Kate Middleton and Prince William's marriage we just can't ignore, as well as weird things about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's relationship.

However, external pressure to be instant friends can overwhelm the sister-in-law relationship. "Gender relations also play a role," relationship therapist Sophie Cress told the Independent of sisters-in-law. "Women are frequently raised to value relationships and family harmony, which might increase sensitivity and emotional responses in these encounters." Just because two women happen to fall in love with brothers doesn't mean that they're going to instantly bond. No rule says sisters-in-law have to be best friends, so let go of the pressure for it to feel super intimate immediately. Work on developing a mutually respectful connection. Don't force the relationship or abandon it just because it doesn't feel perfect. Every family and every relationship within that family is unique.

People don't become friends instantly, and when it's a case of sisters-in-law joining an already-solidified family unit, it can take time to establish relationships and new roles within the existing group. Don't expect BFF-level connections right away. For Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, not only was there an inordinate amount of outside pressure that the two women would instantly become close, but that it would happen right away. 

However, Catherine and Meghan were at very different stages in their lives. Catherine had been married to Prince William for a long time by then, and was well established as a star within the royal family. Catherine already had children with William, and gave birth to Prince Louis less than a month before Harry and Meghan's wedding. Hence, the infamous comment by Meghan about Catherine having "baby brain." Harry wrote in "Spare" that Catherine said to Meghan, "You talked about my hormones. We are not close enough for you to talk about my hormones!" It was an instance of premature intimacy for Catherine. Meghan needed to give it more time. Meanwhile, Meghan was brand new to the unit, coming in as a bride and newly wed. With Catherine focused on her children and Meghan focused on her wedding, the two had different priorities, and both needed time to settle into a relationship with each other.

It can be difficult making room for new arrivals. Family dynamics can settle in, and when a new addition is introduced, it shakes up the existing status quo. For Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, both women had to change to adjust to their new situation, and it's likely, even quite natural, that some jealousies and competitiveness arose along the way. "The sister-in-law dynamic can be challenging for a variety of psychological and social reasons, instilling feelings of jealousy and competitiveness," Sophie Cress told Independent.

Catherine was used to being the leading lady amongst the two royal brothers, and it's entirely possible that when Meghan came on the scene, she had to adjust to sharing the spotlight with another woman. Meghan was a dazzling, exciting new arrival, and Catherine may have felt eclipsed by her new sister-in-law. Conversely, Meghan may have felt insecure coming into an established group, whereas Catherine was such a solid, secure member of the royal family. For any family, new arrivals can create waves, so learn from Catherine and Meghan and don't let jealousy poison the relationship if the new family addition gets a little more attention. Things settle out over time, and feelings of jealousy or being temporarily cast aside are natural.  

Don't expect your sister-in-law to immediately shed her own identity for the shared identity of your family. "Sisters-in-law may come from various families, each with their own set of values, customs, and expectations. These differences can lead to misunderstandings and stress," Sophie Cress explained to Independent. How different people celebrate holidays or family events can be different, and it's normal for there to be an adjustment period. 

Approach each other with openness and curiosity about the unique strengths you each bring to the family, no matter how different they may be. In the case of Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, there were obvious differences. Kate, being English, was well accustomed to the cultural expectations surrounding the royal family and what it meant to belong to such an institution. Meghan, being from California, had her own approach and customs. Plus, Meghan came from Hollywood, with the background of being a working actor, so her life experience was drastically different from that of Catherine's. Instead of treating differences as a bad thing, embrace the chance to expand family customs by including the distinctive styles and life experiences of each person. 

While tension isn't guaranteed between sisters-in-law, it's certainly not uncommon. According to Independent, the sister-in-law dynamic is one of the most complicated relationships in any growing family, so some conflict is to be expected. It's not a sign that the relationship is forever hopeless. Unfortunately for Catherine, Princess of Wales, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, the tumult that they faced at the beginning of their relationships seems to have extended, and the two women have not been able to reconcile.

This is perhaps the best and hardest lesson we've learned from their fractured relationship. Don't let fights in the past ruin your potential future bond with your sister-in-law. Forgive each other, let go of the resentments, and focus on the future health of your particular relationship, and that of the family at large. After all, chances are that you'll be in each other's lives for decades, and you'll want to be able to enjoy family events. If there are children involved, you want to foster strong bonds amongst the cousins and work at creating a pleasant, united front as a family. Nurture your special relationship by spending quality time together so that the whole family can benefit from your friendship.