The Pros And Cons Of Treating Your Relationship Like A Job
Relationships take work. Not everything is always love and romance, so you need to do what you can to keep your relationship flowing. One thing that may help is treating your relationship like a job or a business partnership. There are pros and cons to this, of course, but keeping your love alive does take work, and if you're not willing to put in the hours, things can quickly fall apart.
These days, relationships are all about equality. You both have a major role in making this thing work. And, while scheduling time for sex and intimacy may not seem as romantic as being spontaneous, not everyone has the time or energy to always just do it when the mood strikes. So, we're going to take a look at what it means to treat your relationship like a job, including the good and bad aspects of doing this. Then we'll give you some tips on how to keep things fresh, even if you have to schedule every moment together.
Pro: You're making a bigger investment
Relationships are an investment. You invest time, feelings, money, and more into them. If you aren't investing in your relationship, it isn't going to last. Relationship coach David Bennet told TZR, "Many people will gladly invest time and money into their hobbies, but refuse to intentionally invest time or money, like for counseling or coaching, into their relationships."
Thomas Edwards Jr., another relationship coach, added, "The first thing is to consider which of these areas you feel a lack of contribution and fulfillment in. Oftentimes, I find someone feels underinvested when there isn't consistent presence and attention being given to that person."
Your investment needs to be enough that your partner doesn't feel like they're being underinvested, and vice versa. Make sure that you are spending plenty of time together, even if every moment has to be scheduled because of work, life, kids, etc. Scheduling may not seem romantic in the beginning, but you'll find that it ensures you're investing in each other and your relationship over time, and soon it won't seem like just another chore on your calendar.
Pro: You're building a partnership
If you're partners with someone, you're in this relationship together. Your relationship is the job, and just like in a business partnership, both of you need to be present to make things work and keep the business from failing. There are a few things that go into being a good partner, both in love and in business. This includes knowing each other's boundaries and accepting them. It helps to work at being each other's cheerleader — just as you'd work hard for your employer and communicate with them, you want to do this for your relationship partner as well.
As author Tony Robbins wrote on his website, "Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly." Part of your job in a romantic partnership is ensuring you're showing enough appreciation for your significant other. Shared appreciation will breed more positivity in your relationship. You can show this not only through intimacy and alone time but by sharing all of the daily responsibilities in life — from paying the bills to keeping the house clean.
Con: It may not always be romantic
The con to treating your relationship like a job may be that you feel like it's all about the work you have to do and less about the fun — but how it feels will be different for each relationship. Just like during your workday, you can take breaks. And, just because you're scheduling sex and intimacy, that doesn't mean you can't also be spontaneous when the mood arises. Then again, some sex experts say that scheduling sexy time brings couples closer together than when they just do it on a whim.
As reported by SELF, a woman named Melissa B. — who has been scheduling sex with her husband for over a year — told sex coach Gigi Engle, "It definitely feels like we're closer now than when we'd wait for 'the mood' to just hit us. Without it being scheduled, we were like two ships passing in the dead of night." And Brook W. — who has been scheduling sex with her partner for nine months — said, "[Scheduling sex] has helped our sex life. Having to plan it into our lives gave us both a bit of a reality check that we need to make the time."
So, while there may be some cons to treating your relationship like a job, it appears the pros outweigh them, and even the negatives have the potential to be positive. Although, not all couples are the same. If you try to treat your relationship like a work partnership and it doesn't jive, don't worry — do things your own way.