Scheduling Sex Is Completely Normal (It's Also The Perfect Gateway To Getting More Of It)

When our schedules are jam-packed, sometimes sex is shelved to take care of other priorities. Whether it's shopping for groceries or grabbing dinner with friends, or the big one – sleep – sex sometimes has to wait. But over time, having sex can start to feel lost in the mix of our day-to-day routines, when we would really rather be doing it. This is why some are choosing to schedule sex, as in creating a sex appointment on their calendars, sharing it with their partners, and committing to it. 


When the time comes, of course, sex is not mandatory should one partner or the other not be in the mood. But scheduling sex is a fantastic way to ensure that you are prioritizing your physical, emotional, and relationship needs, too, where sex tends to play an important role in each. There is so much more to life than banal work meetings and errands. And remember that putting sex on the calendar is by no means a failure of your relationship or sex life; if anything, it means you care enough to make it happen. Where scheduling sex might seem to go against social norms, remember to prioritize what feels best for you and your relationship over what others think. 

Scheduling sex has practical benefits

We understand that being "practical" is not the sexiest concept. But addressing a logistical problem with logistical solutions might be the way to go. When you schedule sex, you have now made sex an event you and your partner have a responsibility to attend. Perhaps you frequently wonder whether sex is in the cards for you one night to the next. Now, you can work sex into your schedule, rather than delegating it to the role of maybe, maybe not. The Oregon Health & Science University says that sex is good for your health in many ways; it lowers your blood pressure, relieves depression, promotes pain relief, and improves sleep. Not to mention, sex builds the emotional bond in your partnership, and it's just good, old-fashioned fun. Where our days are often swamped taking care of work needs, scheduling sex shows that you care about your own needs, and those of your partner. 


Second, scheduling sex gives you something to look forward to. Putting it down on the calendar allows you to externalize the fears you might feel when it comes to having sex or not, and instead allows you to feel excited about having sex. While some might say that scheduling sex could make it feel clinical, we say that sex can be fun and spontaneous whether it's scheduled or not. All of that time leading up to a big event leaves plenty of space to fantasize, which might make sex even more fulfilling when the time comes. 

Scheduling sex allows for preparation

But scheduling sex contains even more nuance than you might have imagined. Consider this: It's time for your sex appointment, but other things have come up. Perhaps someone had to run a surprise errand, or it took you extra time to get home. Assuming you both still want to have sex, your appointment is a great way for you to check in on how you feel, and for your partner to do the same, before you feel ready to go. Ashleigh Renard (@ashleighrenard) TikTok creator and author of "Swing," says in a TikTok video that scheduling sex allows you to reflect on what else might need to happen before sex can happen. "Usually what has to happen to get them in the mood is a positive shift that helps their overall stress level," Renard says. "So even before you do it, you're both feeling better," she says. 


Scheduling sex can also be beneficial for those who have experienced any trauma or anxiety surrounding sex, where you or your partner (or you both!) can be given adequate time to prepare and feel more relaxed when the time comes. TikTok creator and sex educator Sex by Em (@sexedbyem) says in a video that scheduling sex can actually take some of the pressure away from the act. "You just really get the chance to be and feel like the best version of you going into something," she says.