Women Over 50 On Reddit Have The Best Advice For Getting Over Your Breakup

Breaking up at any age can be brutal. Still, breaking up when you're in your 50s and beyond, which is sometimes known as a "gray divorce," (something even celebs are intrigued by), might be especially hard. It could be because, with age, relationships often take on a more serious shade; that's obviously true for couples who are married, but even for long-term partnerships that haven't been legally defined.

But compatibility also evolves with time. Many people have higher standards as they age, and feel more set in their personal habits, which narrows the pool of partners to pick from. Potential partners likely feel more compatible overall, which can mean a relationship breakdown feels especially painful. "I suspect it's because, when we were younger, there was always just another person to date. Our standards were pretty low and the majority of younger 20 somethings are single," wrote one Reddit user. "So, when we find that person we really feel is worth our time, it's because we've gone through some s*** and we think we made a pretty good choice this time. When it fails, it has more meaning than when we were 21 and went through dating partners every few months." Despite that, there are plenty of social media users who have been through serious heartbreak, which means they also know the ins and outs of moving past it.

During a breakup, it can be easy to get so preoccupied with your emotional pain that you forget the basics of caring for your body. Sometimes, focusing on the basics can get you out of your head and help you heal. "For me, exercise was key," wrote one Reddit user. "I started going to spin classes." After 50, exercise is particularly important for happiness and well-being; if you're going through the emotional stress of a breakup, it follows that fitness is especially important.

Focusing on wellness can also mean eating healthy meals and simply making sure you're getting enough water. While they might feel like little wins, showing up for yourself in such fundamental ways can help rebuild your self-esteem. It can also have a surprisingly powerful impact on your emotional state. Exercise can get feel-good endorphins flowing, and hydration and adequate nutrition both help to rein in anxiety and boost your mood. In the end, a healthy physical body is the foundation of a healthy mind. Turning your focus to walks or exercise or cooking can be meditative, and stop ruminative thoughts.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you're healing from a breakup is flinging yourself back into dating too soon. This is true at any age, but it's an even more salient tip after 50, when people may feel undue pressure not to end up alone. "Do not date until you are healed as a single person," advised one Reddit user. "I have met many newly single people jumping into relationships because they were lonely. You can't build an honest relationship when your heart is still bleeding from the past." That's why taking some time alone is among our best tips for dating after a divorce.

Getting back into dating before you're ready isn't just unfair to new potential partners you might meet. While dating new people is a distraction from the pain of your breakup, it will keep you from fully metabolizing your emotional experience, which can actually drag out your hurt and leave you hung up on a bad breakup for years. You're more emotionally vulnerable overall, which means any new heartbreak might simply compound what you're already dealing with. Especially if the relationship that you're ending is a significant one, including a long-term partnership or marriage, there's likely plenty of work you'll need to do to reconnect with your independence. Also, entering into new partnerships when your feet aren't firmly on the ground might lead you to making choices that violate your personal boundaries, or to pursuing connections that aren't actually healthy.

For many people, their romantic relationship — especially when it's been in their life for many years — can become a primary source of their self-esteem and meaning. Grieving and moving beyond the relationship will mean needing to learn to fill those needs in new ways. "I think even in happy marriages there are things people put aside of themselves for others. I had put aside far more than one should. And I just started doing the things for me," wrote one Reddit user. "It was important to kinda work on not 'muting' myself." For some people, building a new life can mean finding new ways to get involved in their community, or throwing themselves into new hobbies.

The goal is finding things that strengthen your sense of connection to yourself, and make you feel grounded and alive. "The thing that brought me back to life was a garden," wrote one Reddit user. "[My] family built two big raised beds for me and I grew everything I wanted, it was food and therapy." Make an effort to follow feelings of joy when they do come up, and lean into whatever makes you feel alive. As your grief subsides, these pursuits will become the building blocks of your new life. "Being in nature and observing the small wonders around me was what grounded me and pulled me up," wrote another Reddit user. As for the many celebrities who have had an epic post-divorce glow-up, finding new passions can transform your life.

While signing up for therapy in the wake of a major breakup might feel like a cliche, it's a cliche for a reason. That's because a trained professional can be one of the best resources for helping you get through this kind of major transition. "I divorced after a 35 year marriage," wrote one Reddit user. "I saw a therapist for a while and it helped so much to have a safe space to grieve and process the loss."

A therapist can help you deeply experience all of your feelings and process them, which in turn allows you to let them go. Ideally, you'll be able to reflect on your split, learn from it, and allow it to inform your vision for your life going forward. You may even find that it helps you to rebuild your confidence. "I went to therapy," wrote one Reddit user. "It was hands down the best thing I ever did for myself."

A major breakup or divorce represents a major rupture to your social life. So, rebuilding after your split means learning how to fill your social cup without relying on a romantic partner. That might mean turning to the social network that's already in your life — reconnecting with friends, spending more time with your family — or forging new connections to fill the newly available space in your life.

Activities can be a great way to find kindred spirits. Depending on what hobbies or crafts you enjoy, look for classes or meetups where you can find likeminded people. In addition to rebuilding your community, you'll be rebuilding your own sense of self. "I found exercise and community helpful in getting through that time and to find who I was as an individual person because I had lost myself in the marriage," wrote one Reddit user. "I joined the Y, started dance based classes there, found people to go hiking with."