Beckham Family Drama Begs The Question — What Do You Do If Your Parents Hate Your Spouse?

There have been whispers of family drama between Victoria Beckham and her daughter-in-law, Nicola Peltz Beckham, since the latter married Brooklyn Beckham in 2022 — and it seems the rumors are real. On January 19, Brooklyn shared on his Instagram Stories (via People) that his family was all about image, and he found peace after distancing himself from them. He went on to disclose, "My wife has been consistently disrespected by my family, no matter how hard we've tried to come together as one." He added that Victoria, who's had a style transformation through all her fashion eras, 'hijacked' his first dance with Nicola during their wedding in a way that made him uncomfortable. Brooklyn ended his long rant by stating that he doesn't want a relationship with his family, and his statement is one that many can relate to.

Brooklyn is not the first celeb to be open about his complex relationship with his father, and tension between spouses and in-laws is all too real. Family therapist Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC, NBCC, exclusively shares with Women that when this happens, the first thing to examine is what caused the rift. It could be that the parent is trying to protect their child, or on the flip side, a power dynamic might be happening. When a parent makes digs at your spouse, it could be a sign to step back, like Brooklyn has done, with Wijkstrom explaining, "It may become an act of survival and protection for the budding relationship to cut off the perpetrator, even if it is one's parents."

Balancing emotional labor in your relationship shouldn't be hard, but if you find yourself the peacekeeper between your spouse and parents, there are a few things to avoid. "A person shouldn't lie to their partner or be pulled into a situation where they need to choose between their parents and partner. They should not accept name-calling, digs, ultimatums, refusing to accept the relationship, manipulation, or anything that damages the peace and dignity of their minds, emotions, well-being, or their partner," Stephanie Wijkstrom exclusively tells Women.

Another reason for family discord is that the parent may feel like they're losing you, but the shift away from them is a natural progression in life, Wijkstrom points out. "Under the best of situations, this evolving dynamic can cause tension, feelings of competition, loyalty, and grief can pervade the family of origin. Parents might think, 'I miss my son being here all the time,' as they adapt to having an adult child who's created his own family and navigate a new adult version of the parent-child relationship," she states. The therapist adds, "Most of the time, families recognize these emotional and physical shifts and adapt. The relationships with mom and dad accommodate this positive change, and everyone adjusts."

Brooklyn Beckham may have declared that he was done with his family, but that's not a decision to be taken lightly, according to Stephanie Wijkstrom. "People can feel that they are finished. They may cut ties, but the emotional pull of family is a powerful one. People don't let go of their parents without a high degree of eventual grief. Grief does not come in the moment of despair when they post an emotional disclosure, but in the many moments in which they must question that loss and experience its profound emptiness again," she exclusively tells us. Her expert advice for anyone dealing with family drama is to take a beat and see how they feel after everyone has cooled off.

Wijkstrom acknowledges that there can be hurt feelings on all sides, but families can still be salvageable. You may want to cut your parents off at the time, but be open to fostering a new relationship with them. "A healthy parent-child relationship relies upon attunement, starting with parental attunement, and here is where effort toward secure attachment begins. Should the parent be 'good enough' and the child able to be soothed, understood by the parent, a sacred, mutual, and lifelong bond unfolds," Wijkstrom says.

Family rifts like the Beckhams just don't happen overnight, and Stephanie Wijkstrom believes that could be due to something missing from Brooklyn Beckham's bond with his mother, Victoria. If you relate to this, think about whether your parents were attuned to your emotional needs growing up. "Was there a pattern of those needs being overlooked, allowing hurt and frustration to build over time?" Wijkstrom exclusively shares with Women. "When a parent struggles to attune to their child's emotional needs — to truly see them, empathize with them, and respond to what they're feeling — it creates a foundation of disconnection. And without that attunement, it becomes difficult for the parent to be emotionally safe for their adult child or their child's spouse," she notes.

Another question to ask yourself is whether you've been an advocate for yourself and your spouse, or stayed silent to keep the peace until it became unbearable. Your family may have had some unspoken rules, such as not challenging the mother, which can get in the way of you speaking up. "Those rules don't always work when a new person comes into the dynamic, shaking up a very old and delicate family system," Wijkstrom points out. Just remember that change isn't always handled very well, and if you need to distance yourself from your family, it's okay to take the time to do so.