Why Being Single & 40 Is The Best On Valentine's Day

I have been single for many Valentine's Days. Despite a handful of long-term relationships and even one ill-fated marriage, I've been sans Valentine far more often than I've been partnered up. While in my 20s and early 30s, this seemed like an absolute tragedy, now that I'm 40 — or more specifically 40 and change — I can say that being single and 40 on Valentine's Day is the best. Heck, being single and 40 is the best every day, in my humble opinion.

Except for a few short-lived flings, I've pretty much been single for the last seven years. Because our culture teaches women from the get-go that it's paramount we find a partner, settle down, and have kids, when I realized I didn't genuinely have an interest in those things, I really struggled with it. I couldn't understand how coming from such a close-knit, loving family wouldn't result in me wanting something similar of my own. It seemed almost diabolical that I felt so fulfilled as a single woman, that it took quite a bit of therapy to unlearn what our culture teaches us about romantic relationships: we don't need a partner to be complete; we come into this world already whole.

While I'll never shame anyone for wanting a relationship or those looking for their soulmate — although, let's be clear, the concept of "the one" isn't only outdated, but also rife with patriarchy — personally, I'm at my best when I'm single. And every February 14, I double down on this realization. If you fear being 40 and single on Valentine's Day, don't. It has its benefits, I promise.

Although many countries celebrate Valentine's Day, especially in the Western Hemisphere, the country that spends the most is the United States. According to a 2025 survey by the National Retail Federation, it was projected that American consumers would spend a whopping $27.5 billion on Valentine's Day in 2025, with each individual shelling out an average of $188.81. Considering 56% of that is spent on candy — I can't imagine a more impersonal gift, but that's just me — being single on Valentine's Day is a financial win.

While I know some single women love to throw Galentine's Day parties, some with iconic themes, that's not my cup of tea. As far as I'm concerned, I don't need a special occasion to host a party that celebrates my female friendships. Instead, I'll do what I usually do on February 14: Practice gratitude, but also spoil myself. For me, that looks like going to one of my favorite restaurants — that's not going to cost $188 — watching a movie that I find empowering (I highly recommend "20^th Century Women"), and because I firmly believe sexual self-care is an important part of every wellness routine, you better believe I'll indulge in some sexy solo fun too.

When all is said and done, I'll have a very enjoyable night alone, knowing that shared time with friends was an option, but I chose the self-care route. The next morning, when I check my bank account, I'll have spent maybe $50 on dinner, if that, having saved over $130. I also will have avoided packed restaurants and bars, and fighting for a cab home at midnight.

As I said, it took loads of therapy for me to realize decentering men and being relationship-free by choice is totally okay. Now that I'm here and aware, I've watched this mentality pick up traction. For example, South Korean women are in the midst of the B4 movement, meaning no sex, no babies, no dating, and no marriage, while in the US, more people are giving the boy sober trend a try. There's also been an onslaught of studies and research confirming that single women are happier, live longer, and are more satisfied — especially compared to single men.

"Traditionally, there's been a lot of societal pressure on women to secure a mate and settle down so as not to be seen as 'leftover women,'" psychologists Elaine Hoan and Geoff MacDonald told Gilmore Health News, via Forbes. "With time, society has grown more lax with its prescriptions, allowing single women to be free and have the time of their lives, which they appear to be doing." If that's the case every day, it's not going to change because it's Valentine's Day.

For me, being 40 and single on Valentine's Day means not having to make romantic plans and being able to escape unrealistic expectations. If you're someone who's really into Valentine's Day and the night is a flop, then there can be disappointment. If you're single, not putting V-Day on a pedestal, there's nothing to make you upset. From an emotional and mental standpoint, this is a healthy and stress-free way to celebrate Valentine's Day. That's why it really is the best to be single and 40 on February 14.