Red Flags In Lily Allen And David Harbour's Relationship That Made Their Split Unsurprising

When actor David Harbour and singer Lily Allen went viral for the 2023 Architectural Digest tour of their charming Brooklyn brownstone, it seemed like a symbol that quirky love triumphs overall. The house tour was a maximalist dream, whimsical to the extreme, as if two slightly oddball people had found each other and constructed the ultimate private paradise. Except it turns out that all was not well with Allen's marriage to Harbour. In hindsight, perhaps the ornate townhouse should have been our first clue. "AD house tours are the kiss of death for a relationship. Unfortunate, but true," observed one Reddit commenter. "Apparently, makes it easier to sell the house when the couple makes the split public, I guess."

But whatever marital troubles were masked then are in full view now, thanks to "West Side Girl, a tell-all album from Allen that details Harbour's infidelity and Alenn's messy, vulnerable emotions following the split. It's clear that the seperation and subsequent divorce was monumental for Allen — no surprise when there are lots of weird ways a breakup can affect your health – and she has channeled her feelings into her artwork. Still, there were some warning signs this breakup was coming.

The COVID-19 pandemic caused plenty of relationships to get serious fast, and not always for the best. Considering that Lily Allen and David Harbour tied the knot in 2020, there was always the risk that this pair was going to struggle once the world began to open up again post-pandemic. On an episode of Alan Carr's "Life's A Beach" podcast, Allen explained that COVID lockdowns accelerated her decision to move in with Harbour. "We'd been together for about six months, but we definitely weren't at the stage of being like 'Let's move in together,'" she said.

For most couples, six months is early to move in together and a pretty big red flag, especially in this case, given that Allen had two young children. When the couple hit the altar later that same year, it was even more concerning, considering that this wasn't simply a fast-tracked relationship but also one that hadn't been duly tested outside the confines of COVID restrictions. "These relationships were formed under stress and during a time when there was more incentive to couple up quickly," clinical psychologist Jessica Griffin told the BBC. "As the world is opening back up, relationship experts are hearing more and more that couples are finding the transition back to normal a little bumpier than expected." For plenty of couples, including Harbour and Allan it seems, those bumps mean divorce.

Before she was married to David Harbour, Lily Allen was married to fellow-Brit, Sam Cooper, with whom she has two children. The couple separated in 2016 after the singer revealed she had paid multiple women prostitutes for sex. "I slept with female prostitutes when I was on tour because I was lost and lonely and looking for something," she revealed in a now-deleted Instagram post, according to The Independent, joining the ranks of celebrities who have admitted to cheating on their partners.

Though Harbor and Allen's split seemed to hinge on his infidelity and not hers, Allen's prior cheating was always something of a red flag for this couple's future. Past infidelity isn't a non-starter, and therapists have advice for relationships with someone who has cheated before. Still, a University of Denver study revealed that people who have cheated in past relationships are three times more likely to cheat again in future relationships. "The past matters for relationships," explained Kayla Knopp, the clinical psychologist who authored the 2018 study. "What we do at every step along the way in our romantic histories ends up influencing what comes next." That means Allen's relationship patterns never boded well for her new foray into marriage.

Early comments that David Harbour made about Lily Allen didn't exactly radiate "true love." In a 2022 interview with GQ, Harbour's description of their first date seemed more like a backhanded compliment. "She claims to have fallen in love at first sight with me — I mean, who wouldn't?" he said. While it might have sounded light-hearted at the time, there's a narcissistic edge that elevates him while subtly diminishing Allen.

He went on to describe the moment he realized he loved with Allen, again centering himself more than her. "I remember the exact moment. It was our third date. I was just in this phase, where I was like, I'm just going to be brutally honest about everything, because why lie? And I told her something about my life, about my beliefs... It would take a really extraordinary person to be accepting of the things that I said. And I remember thinking: Wow, that's somebody I want to be around."

While describing Allen as "extraordinary" sounds flattering, the story focuses on Harbour's feelings rather than anything unique about Allen. Love should be based on seeing and valuing another person for who they are, and not just how they make us feel. Plus, Harbour didn't reveal the "brutal truth" he shared, which invites us to wonder what about him requires such radical acceptance and whether Allen may have neglected her own boundaries to keep the connection alive.

Fan speculation erupted that Lily Allen and David Harbour might be headed for split after the singer unfollowed Harbour on Instagram in October 2023 — just a month after the couple allegedly celebrated three years of marriage. Shortly after this news broke, rumors began to emerge that the couple had already been living separately for some time, with Allen based in London for a play while Harbour continued to reside in New York. "Lily and David have barely been together for the past three months and have been living separate lives," an anonymous insider told The Sun. "In her downtime, Lily would be with mates in London or her kids. When she went back to the US with them, there was no sign of David."

In the current age of celebrity, unfollowing a spouse of social media is about the single biggest red flag that divorce is imminent. So the subsequent rumors that the pair were living divergent lives hardly seemed like a shock. While many married couples manage to maintain a fulfilling intimate relationship across distance, it can easily lead to disconnection.