We Can't Ignore These Red Flags In Julia Roberts And Danny Moder's Relationship

Julia Roberts and Danny Moder first crossed paths in 2000 when she starred in "The Mexican" and he worked as a cameraman. They tied the knot in a romantic, surprise ceremony in 2002, and they've been together ever since, welcoming three children over their more than 20-year marriage. But, as with most relationships, it hasn't all been smooth sailing.

The two have repeatedly found themselves the subject of tabloid rumors, and Roberts admitted she's never really gotten used to all the chatter about her marriage. "We'll see a tabloid and we'll all be standing there like, 'Oh, that's uncomfortable. This is really uncomfortable,'" she told Harper's Bazaar in 2018. "It can still hurt my feelings, because I'm so proud of my marriage," she added. But as much as we love Roberts' pride over her lengthy relationship, unfortunately, her romance with the cinematographer is not without a few red flags. Namely, the questionable way the "Mirror, Mirror" star's romance with her long-term lover began.

When Julia Roberts first met Danny Moder, he was married to makeup artist Vera Steimberg, and she was dating fellow actor Benjamin Bratt. "The Mexican" was released in March 2001, and Bratt's publicist told the Orlando Sentinel three months later, "It's true; they are no longer together." But that was nothing compared to what Steimberg said. "I'll never be able to forgive Julia — she's a husband stealer," Steimberg told The Sun (via New York Post). She even warned Roberts that Moder would cheat on her. "It won't last with her anyway. [Roberts] will be looking for a new husband within a year ... Danny has a roving eye ... and he won't change," she added. The "Pretty Woman" actor denied being the reason their marriage broke down, though. On "The Oprah Winfrey Show," she admitted she knew Moder was married when they met, but claimed, "He sorted his whole thing out, separate and apart from me. And I sorted my life out, separate and apart from him. I think that's the only reason we were able to ultimately fall in love with each other and be together."

If Steimberg's take on the start of Roberts and Moder's relationship is true, though, that's a serious red flag. Steimberg's not wrong suggesting someone who's cheated before could do it again. A 2017 study found that a person who's been unfaithful to a past partner may be three times as likely to cheat again as someone who's never acted on a wandering eye.

Though Julia Roberts and Danny Moder's romance was no secret amid "The Mexican"'s release, Moder didn't actually file for divorce from Vera Steimberg until June 2001. That was three months after Roberts was seen wearing a very telling t-shirt. The "Mystic Pizza" actor wore a homemade top with the words "A Low Vera" across her chest, which appeared to be a dig at her boyfriend's estranged wife, Vera Steimberg. Roberts didn't publicly confirm the theory, but said when asked about it on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "You know what that was about? It was private. I stand by my T-shirt."

Assuming Roberts was calling out Moder's then-wife via her shirt, which it very much looked like she was, it was a red flag. The move was juvenile (Roberts was in her 30s at the time) and suggested she was giving way too much time and attention to her husband's ex. It also gave us hints of retroactive jealousy, where a person can't stop focusing on their partner's romantic history. Hopefully, Roberts and Moder properly discussed his previous marriage and Roberts' t-shirt to work through any insecurities she may have felt that caused her to lash out in such a public way. If the two swept it under the rug, it could still come back to bite them one day.

It's not uncommon for a relationship between a big star and a lesser-known name to have power struggles, and that may be the case for Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. A source told Closer in 2025, "[Moder] was always of the belief that Julia put her career ahead of his, and he resented it." Moder has a successful career of his own as a cinematographer, plus an impressive net worth of $10 million. But that's nothing compared to his wife's A-List star power and $250 million net worth.

Nicole Moore, celebrity relationship expert and host of the "Love Works" podcast, exclusively told us while listing Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' red flags that vast disparities in net worth and fame could become a red flag. "While couples having disparate incomes is not always a problem, in some couples it turns into a power struggle dynamic," she said. "If Ryan operates as if Blake is fully his equal despite her earning less, then it's a green flag. However, if Blake feels she has to cede power to him because he earns more, it's a red flag," she added. And the same could be said for Roberts and Moder.

The amount of time (or lack thereof) Julia Roberts and Danny Moder spend together hasn't gone unnoticed. Moder tends to be missing from his wife's side at important events, including the L.A. premiere of her movie "After The Hunt" in October 2025. Moder was also absent when Roberts was awarded an honorary César at the French César Awards that February, and when she got the insignia of Chevalier of the Order of Arts and Letters by the French Minister of Culture. "It got to a point where it was almost farcical how often she was going to these big events by herself while he stayed home, and that wasn't doing their marriage — or their image — any favors," a source told Closer. His absence was extra eyebrow-raising considering Closer claimed the year prior they'd been spending time apart. "She's doing her thing, he's doing his. They're living separate lives. They even have multiple houses and often live apart," an insider purported. 

Roberts' busy work schedule takes her away from home a lot, too, as she told CBS News she didn't see her family for 62 days while shooting the 2022 movie "Ticket to Paradise" in Australia. Closer reported she'd been taking on more work, too. "Julia's on fire, but her work is all-consuming and her marriage is suffering," a source shared.

Unfortunately, not making time for one another is a relationship issue that signals it isn't going to work. Spending quality time together can help couples build trust, forge a deeper emotional connection, and improve communication. If Roberts and Moder aren't getting that, even their more than two decades together may not carry them through.

Part of why we haven't seen Danny Moder supporting Julia Roberts on the red carpet may be because of their different takes on public life. A source told InTouch that Roberts enjoys living in the spotlight, but Moder prefers his privacy. "It's an open secret that she'd prefer to live a more visible life, but that's just not Danny's style," they claimed. Another source shared a similar take to Closer, claiming Moder feels uncomfortable on the red carpet, despite it being a big part of Roberts' life. "Danny's always felt like he's in a cage on the red carpet," they said (via Radar).

Roberts appears to have extroverted tendencies, while her husband seems more introverted, and while this dynamic can work in certain relationships, it can be tough. Nicole Moore exclusively told us while discussing the red flags of Channing Tatum and Zoe Kravitz's now-defunct romance, "Couples who have an introvert and extrovert partner can often get into disagreements about going out versus staying in, socializing and attending events, and eventually the big differences in introversion versus extroversion start to really wear a couple down."

The two reportedly also differed on where they should settle down. "[He's] a die-hard SoCal boy," an Us Weekly insider said, but claimed Roberts wanted to live closer to San Francisco. "They've butted heads about that but always found a way to get through the rough times," they added. As long as they continue talking through their differences and fully understand each other's point of view, they can make it. But if they ever feel they're compromising too much or their needs are being ignored, that could cause problems.