The Shy Girl's Guide To Joining A Book Club

If you didn't get the memo, book clubs are all the rage, especially among millennials and Gen Z. Not only did book club listings on Eventbrite jump by 31% from 2023 to 2024, but the range of types of book clubs people can join is so vast that there's truly something for everyone.

"It's definitely evolved from the traditional, 'Oh, let's meet at a coffee shop, talk about the book, go over these discussion questions,'" founder of Philly's chapter of a club called Book and Sip, Ijanae Dawkins, told NBC News. "I have people every month come up to me at the book parties, and they're like, 'Oh my gosh, I was so shy coming into it. This is my first book party. I made three new friends and we're going out next weekend.'"

But as fantastic as books are for our emotional and mental health, for shy folks, joining a book club can sound like a nightmare. It's not just about having to speak up and partake in the discussion, but also sitting in the room with other readers, who just might be strangers, and fearing potential judgment from them. For introverts, putting themselves out there in any way is a struggle. But don't let that stand in your way of joining a book club or cultivating the best questions for your book club's discussions. No matter how shy you might be, there are book club options for you.

One takeaway of the COVID-19 pandemic is that we can live a lot of our lives online. From meetings to therapy to even happy hours, we live in a day and age where staying connected is easier than ever. When the world went into lockdown, many events, including book clubs, went virtual. And to allow people from far away to be members, they've stayed virtual. If you're shy, that's the sort of book club you might need.

From the comfort of your home, you can participate in an online book club as much or as little as you want. While you may not get the in-person connection others are looking for, you can still reap the benefits of socializing with others by listening to what they have to say and being introduced to new ideas and perspectives. According to the Centers for Disease Control, socializing is great for our mental and physical health, reducing heart-related ailments, stroke, depression, and dementia. It also increases our sleep quality and inspires healthier habits, which can lead to longer lives. Reading, too, brings a lot of health benefits like keeping the brain healthy, facilitating empathy, and exercising cognitive skills and language processing.

In other words, with all these benefits, a book club is seriously something to consider. And technology has made it so that even the shyest of the shy can reap those benefits from home.

Let's be honest: we all have that one friend without whom we'd fail to live our best life. If you want to get in on a book club and want it to be in-person, call in reinforcements like that aforementioned friend to take the anxiety and stress out of joining a book club. Having a close friend in the book club with you will help regulate your nervous system, allowing you to be more relaxed and perhaps even inspire you to let your guard down and participate in the discussions. With a friend by your side, you're also reaping the benefits of being more yourself than you might be if you were rolling solo and not feeling 100% comfortable yet.

If you're ride-or-die isn't up for fully joining a book club, ask them to attend just the first meeting. After all, if the roles were reversed, you'd do it for them. Also, explain to them that a book club is an easy way to read more books every year, and you two can do a deep analysis of the book beforehand. That way, when you get to the club, you both look like literary geniuses, starting on an excellent foot.

For some, the most intimidating part about joining a book club is having to talk. Which, let's be honest, can also be daunting for people who don't consider themselves shy. It's here that silent book clubs come into play. Like a regular book club, people gather to read the same book together, but there's no pressure to talk. They've become so popular that there are about 1,300 chapters in the U.S..

"On an average night, it's 10 or 12 people," a silent book club organizer in Martha's Vineyard, Jeff Levy, told Real Simple. "Reading is from 5:30 to 6:30, and then we walk two doors down to a restaurant. Anyone who wants to hang out afterward can come, or they can just leave. And the conversation at dinner is rarely about books, which is kind of funny. Often it's about the state of the world."

Knowing that you can skip out of the whole talking aspect is a great compromise for those shy readers who like the idea of being part of a social circle that shares their love for the written word. Then, should the rare moment arise that you actually want to join the chat, the option is there. It's pretty much the best of both worlds, which explains why silent book clubs are getting so much traction. After all, sometimes you want to delve into a controversial book that's worth your time, but don't always want to gab about it.

If an online book club or silent book club still feels like too much, then it's time to start your own. When you're at the helm of a book club, you not only have a say in who joins and what books will be read, but you can navigate it in a way that keeps things comfortable. For example, if you'd feel most comfortable with only three or four close friends in the club and meeting in the privacy of your home as opposed to a coffee shop or bar, then that's the decision you make for the group. If you'd prefer to listen instead of partaking in the discussion, tell your friends that's what you envision for the book club.

There's no right or wrong way to be part of a book club as long as you keep your mind open. So no matter how shy you are, you can find a book club experience that works for you. Or maybe, if you've tried a few different types of book clubs, you've found that you're simply not a book club person, which is fine because not everyone is. There's absolutely nothing wrong with accomplishing your yearly reading goals solo. What's most important is making the time to read, not just because of the benefits, but because in this crazy timeline in history, getting caught up in a reality that isn't your own is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.