Red Flags In Demi Lovato's Past Relationships That We Couldn't Ignore

Demi Lovato found true love with her husband Jordan "Jutes" Lutes. The couple tied the knot in a romantic ceremony in May 2025 after just under three years of dating, and we've never seen the "Get Back" singer so happy. But before Lovato – who's proudly clapped back at demands she label her sexuality – settled down with her musician beau, we noticed a few red flags in her past relationships. And that includes her fractured, on/off romance with Wilmer Valderrama.

Lovato (who uses she/her/they/them pronouns) and Valderrama were stuck in a six-year cycle of breakups and makeups before they called it quits for good in 2016, and that's a serious red flag for any relationship. The two initially split in 2011 but reunited shortly after. They broke up again in 2012 but confirmed they'd reconciled again when they spent Valentine's Day 2013 together. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from a relationship if one person or both people feel they need space, but an ever-repeating cycle can be a sign of serious relationship issues, such as overall incompatibility, a fear of commitment, or poor communication skills. Kale Monk, assistant professor of human development and family science at the University of Missouri-Columbia, also found as part of a 2018 study, "Partners who are routinely breaking up and getting back together could be negatively impacted by the pattern." But it wasn't just Lovato's unhealthy habits with the "That '70s Show" alum that had us concerned in the years before she walked down the aisle.

Demi Lovato hasn't shied away from age gap romances. There were 12-years between Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama and she was just a teen when they met. "When I met him and I laid eyes on him for the first time, I was in hair and makeup and I was like, 'I love his man and I have to have him.' But I was only 17 so he was like, 'Get away from me.' After I turned 18, we began dating," they shared in her documentary "Simply Complicated." She was then briefly romantically linked to UFC fighter Luke Rockhold, who was eight years her senior.

Though age gap romance aren't an instant red flag, Lovato's astute observation about why they dated older guys was. "I had a phase of dating older men and dating older guys because of my daddy issues, obviously," Lovato, who has been open about her complex relationship with her late father, explained on "The Howard Stern Show." A person actively seeking out an older partner because of unresolved childhood issues is not only unlikely to have a healthy romance, it's also a sign they aren't doing the internal work needed to help them deal with their past. Lovato pointed out that Jordan "Jutes" Lutes was just a year older than her and noted, "We're growing together and it feels so healthy."

During Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama's on/off romance, they appeared to have differing opinions on marriage. Amid their 2016 split, a source told E! News the actor had made it clear he didn't plan to propose. Valderrama reportedly told a friend who enquired about them walking down the aisle, "No, I don't think we're in that space." Only, Lovato didn't seem to agree. They very publicly shared one year earlier that they would say yes if Valderrama proposed. When asked about walking down the aisle on New Zealand-based radio show ZM, the "Tell Me You Love Me" hitmaker responded (via E! News), "I am very, very in love with him. I think we will probably wait a little bit longer, but, if he asked tomorrow, I would say yes."

It's not unusual for couples to have different ideas about when's a good time to tie the knot, but it can be a problem if one person is publicly sharing their desire for marriage when the other doesn't think it's appropriate. As Anna Williamson, TV host, podcaster and certified relationship expert, explained to Hitched, "There really is no right or wrong way to commit to someone, but what is important is that both people are on the same page and have the same ideas and goals about what their future looks like." Though Valderrama didn't publicly explain his apparent reservations, we can't imagine the two weren't financially capable of tying the knot the way they wanted. Celebrity Net Worth claimed he's worth $20 million while Lovato has earned $40 million, suggesting the actor's reservations were more related to their relationship than finances (he went on to propose to Amanda Pacheco in 2020).

There isn't a single timeline for when a couple should get engaged, but Demi Lovato's 2020 romance with former "The Young and the Restless" actor Max Ehrich moved seriously fast and, as a result, it wasn't a shock when they called it quits. The twosome's romance went public that March when a source told Us Weekly, "[They] met a few weeks ago." Just a few weeks later, they moved in together amid the Coronavirus pandemic and got engaged that July. But it was all over by September – and the rapid pace of their romance played a big part. It's understandable why Lovato and Ehrich felt they were ready for marriage, as they spent so much together amid the pandemic which likely pushed fast-forward on their relationship. However, they still rushed into such a serious commitment without thinking practically about their busy lifestyles outside of social distancing.

Lovato herself admitted things moved too quickly in her "Dancing With The Devil" documentary. "I think I rushed into something that I thought was what I was supposed to do," they said. "I realized as time went on that I didn't actually know the person that I was engaged to. We were only together four or five months. And honestly, it was false advertising. The hardest part of the breakup was mourning the person that I thought he was." That's why it's a good idea to wait until you feel you properly know someone before agreeing to marriage. Emily Freeman, a dating and attraction coach, told The Knot, "It's important to know your partner and experience them in different situations and seasons of their life."

Another big reason Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich's engagement didn't end in marriage was because of distance, and it was a red flag how quickly things went downhill for Lovato and her now ex as soon as they began working in different locations. "Demi and Max were basically together 24/7 for months," a People source pointed out of how their romance thrived amid the Covid-19 pandemic. "They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts," they added after the couple broke off their engagement, suggesting going long-distance created a breaking point in their relationship.

Equally, how quickly the two split after leaving their pandemic bubble was a red flag that something was seriously wrong in their romance. As therapist Dominique Mortier told Essence, "It may take longer in long-term relationships to notice signs or 'red flags' because you notice them through mostly verbal communication, making it challenging to see actions or behavior that match the words." But these two knew pretty quickly it wasn't going to work.

Fans noticed another major red flag in Demi Lovato's relationship with Max Ehrich, as he seemed to enjoy the fame he gained from dating her a little too much — and Lovato appeared to notice that too. A source told People shortly after they called off their engagement, "[Lovato thinks he was] trying to further his career by using her name behind her back." They added, "It was very hurtful to Demi when she realized that Max's intentions weren't genuine." If Ehrich was more interested in Lovato's star power than her heart, that's a clear red flag he wasn't the one for them.

Around the time of their split, multiple social media posts went viral with the intention of exposing Ehrich's supposed attempts for fame. That included posts on X, formerly known as Twitter, which claimed he'd repeatedly commented on various celebrity Instagram profiles and expressed interest in dating Lovato's former best friend Selena Gomez (the two had a friendship breakup we can learn a lot from). Lovato defended Ehrich against allegations he once hoped to date her ex-bestie, writing in a lengthy Instagram Stories post (via Elle), "It's really sad when people FAKE images to put women against each other. If women have conflict that's between them NOT YOU." But it seemed Lovato may have been burying her head in the sand over the actor's true intentions, which is a red flag itself.