The Quiet Proposing Trend Is The Most Personal Way To Handle The Relationship Milestone

When it comes to relationships, each generation goes about it in its own way, evidenced by the dating trends that shape our love life. While older generations, especially Baby Boomers and Generation X, tend to stick to stereotypical gender norms and what was once deemed traditional in how they navigate relationships, millennials and Gen Z are doing things differently. After all, the world we live in today is a far cry from when people were falling in love in the '60s, and even the '90s.

Because how we date and even how we get engaged is very much tied to the timeline we're living in, "quiet proposing" has been making waves, with Generation Z embracing the trend especially. "Quiet proposing places an emphasis on authenticity over spectacle," holistic dating coaches and authors of "Getting It Right This Time," Orna and Matthew Walters, exclusively tell Women. "Producing an elaborate proposal to share on social media can feel inauthentic and performative. This trend illustrates Gen Z's focus on sharing equally, where the decision to marry is discussed and planned together — including the purchase of an engagement ring."

As the Walters explain, getting married is one of the most important decisions people make. It's not just two people coming together to share their lives, but combines finances, values, belief systems, and so much more. Although there's definitely a romantic aspect to marriage, it comes down to what makes a relationship last. With this in mind, quiet proposing makes sense.

You don't have to be a Jane Austen fan to know that for hundreds of years, a woman's worth was contingent on her marital status. For far too long, it was steeped in financial security, but even as society evolved, women continued to be taught that the most important day of their lives would be their wedding day. But before that comes the proposal, and if Hollywood taught us anything, it's that the bigger and more extravagant the proposal, the better.

Although there's always someone yearning for an overrated proposal, for others, simple is best. With quiet proposals, both partners are equally involved in a decision that's going to affect the rest of their lives, as it should be. "Quiet proposals allow couples to make a mutual, thoughtful choice on whether to get married, and place an emphasis on agreement rather than surprise," Orna and Matthew Walters exclusively tell Women.

As the Walters explain, being pragmatic may seem unromantic, but quiet proposing has some advantages. The first of which is choosing the engagement ring or rings together. "[It] allows the couple to create a private, meaningful experience tailored to their values," says the Walters. If you truly believe that being partners in love and life is important to you and your relationship, then you're going to want equality to be part of every step of your future marriage, including the proposal.

When opting for a quiet proposal, the pressure of a grand gesture is immediately taken off the table. As Orna and Matthew Walters exclusively tell Women, "[it lets] the couple approach marriage from the meaning of the commitment, rather than the performance and subsequent social media clout." After all, doing things strictly for social media is passé.

Quiet proposing also kicks tradition and archaic gender stereotypes to the curb, which draws in anyone tired of being confined to the box society has built for them. Financially, it's also a win. It factors in how expensive proposals can be by shifting the focus to the relationship. It's important to remember that a proposal is just a few minutes, the wedding day is literally just a day, but marriage is, if you're lucky, forever. 

"Ultimately, couples can sidestep traditional norms about how a proposal should happen and instead write their own love story," says the Walters. "The proposal itself becomes a reflection of the couple and their shared values, rather than a rehearsed dramatic YouTube video for their friends and family to view afterwards ... quiet proposing reveals a broader move toward authenticity, partnership, and intentionality in modern relationships." As the Walters explain, the quiet proposal is more about substance and leaving the spectacle aspect at the door, which is a good thing. If you lead with your authentic selves, then you can expect that to always be at the heart of your marriage.