Red Flags In Jill And Joe Biden's Marriage We Just Can't Ignore

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From the outside, Jill Biden and Joe Biden have the most enviable of political romances. The highly educated, ever-poised teacher and determined former president of the United States tied the knot in 1977 and have publicly supported one another through thick and thin ever since. But even they haven't been able to dodge red flags.

One of the most glaring is their significant age gap. She was in her mid 20s and he was in his 30s when they started dating, as there's nine years between them. She even told Vogue she was initially taken aback by Joe's maturity, because she'd been courting men closer to her age. "I was a senior, and I had been dating guys in jeans and clogs and T-shirts, he came to the door and he had a sport coat and loafers, and I thought, 'God, this is never going to work, not in a million years,'" she said. As Janet Bayramyan, LCSW from Road to Wellness, told us while dissecting Sydney Sweeney and her ex-boyfriend Jonathan Davino's red flags, the almost decade between Jill and Joe may have had unintentional consequences. "While age differences can be healthy and functional, they may sometimes lead to power imbalances, particularly if one partner was quite young when the relationship began," she explained. In Jill and Joe's case, that's particularly likely, as he was a senator with a lot of influence and she was a college student. 

But that's not the only oddity. From repeatedly declined marriage proposals to affair allegations, there are a host of other red flags we can't ignore.

Before finding love with Joe Biden, Jill Biden (then Jill Jacobs) married Bill Stevenson in 1970. The two divorced six years later, and Stevenson told The Review in 2006 things turned sour while they were dividing up their assets. But, 14 years later, he claimed that turbulence followed a supposed affair between Jill and Joe. He purported to Daily Mail the now couple first met around 1972 and suggested he and Jill were friendly with the then future president and his late first wife Neilia Biden. However, according to Stevenson, Jill and Joe's platonic friendship turned romantic in 1974 following Nelia's untimely death (she passed away in a car accident with her and Joe's young daughter Naomi). "One of [Jill's] best friends told me she thought Joe and Jill were getting a little too close," Stevenson claimed.

However, Jill's spokesperson denied the allegations to Inside Edition. "These claims are fictitious, seemingly to sell and promote a book. The relationship of Joe and Jill Biden is well documented. Jill Biden separated from her first husband irreconcilably in the fall of 1974 and moved out of their marital home. Joe and Jill Biden had their first date in March of 1975, and they married in June of 1977."

Though Jill disputed her ex's claims, if their romance did begin with infidelity, that could be a major issue. "Forming physical or emotional connections with others while still married is a huge red flag as it can indicate that both partners have issues staying faithful in a relationship," relationship expert Nicole Moore told us while discussing the relationship red flags of Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater.

In Jill Biden's memoir, "Where the Light Enters: Building a Family, Discovering Myself," she got candid about her reluctance to settle down with Joe Biden because she wasn't comfortable living a public life. Writing about the early days of their romance, she recalled, "Being Joe's wife would mean a life in the spotlight that I had never wanted. I was a college student when we'd first met, and I liked living under the radar. Joe lived with constant public visibility."

Similar to one of the red flags we noticed between Barack Obama and Michelle Obama, Jill also wanted to have her own career, which can be very difficult for partners of politicians. "I was launching my career and planning for graduate school — and then I had staff calling to schedule dates with my boyfriend around his insane Senate schedule," she wrote.

When a partner feels they need to change their lifestyle drastically to accommodate their partner even though they don't want to, that can be a red flag. The spotlight on Joe, and Jill as a result, only intensified when he became president of the United States and, although Jill likely got used to the attention, that had to be tough for someone not comfortable living a public life and could have put a strain on their relationship. Equally, Jill shifting her attention away from her career to put Joe's first could manifest into resentment and regret.

Joe Biden received backlash in 2024 when he gave very strange marriage advice during a speech in New Hampshire that suggested Jill Biden was interchangeable with her sisters. "By the way, I say every young man thinking of get married, marry [into] a family with five or more daughters. I did. My wife's the oldest of five sisters. You know why? One of them will always love you. Not the same one [but] one of them will always be on your side. That's the biggest advantage of marrying into five daughters," he said (via Sky News Australia).

Social media users had a lot to say about the odd suggestion on X, formerly known as Twitter, and we can't imagine Jill was happy to hear her husband's remarks, either. "What does that mean? Why would he say something weird like that?" one person asked. "Dude is out of touch," another commented. Biden's offbeat remarks were surely not only embarrassing for Jill, but suggested he didn't have a lot of respect, at least in that moment, for her or her family. And that's anything but a green flag.

Agreeing to marry someone should be one of the easiest and quickest yeses a person ever gives. But it wasn't that way for Jill Biden. During a joint Vogue interview, Joe Biden admitted he had to propose five times before she agreed. Joe recalled telling his then girlfriend, "'Look, this is the last time I'm asking you. I don't care when we get married. But I want a commitment.' And she said okay. But it took that!"

Jill explained her reasoning for turning her now husband down so many times. "I said, 'Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.' Because by that time, of course, I had fallen in love with the boys, and I really felt that this marriage had to work. Because they had lost their mom, and I couldn't have them lose another mother. So I had to be 100 percent sure," she said.

Although Jill's intentions were honorable, it's eyebrow raising that Joe had so many failed attempts before she said yes. It could suggest Jill only agreed because she felt pressured and would lose Joe if she didn't. In fact, her repeated reluctance to tie the knot gives us "Shut-up Ring" vibes. "['Shut-up Rings' are] used to pacify or relieve some pressure that's going on in a relationship," Landis Bejar, wedding therapist and founder of AisleTalk, explained to Business Insider. "It's an early indicator that the couple can't talk about hard things and can't work through hard things, and instead, one person decides to appease the other person instead of voicing how they really feel about it," she added. Though, thankfully, things worked out for Jill and Joe, it could easily have gone the other way.

It's always a red flag if someone, even jokingly, downplays their partner's hard-earned successes. Jill worked incredibly hard to become a highly educated women, and obtained a bachelor's degree, two master's degrees, and a doctorate. But Joe made a tasteless joke about his wife being well-educated during a 2008 rally in Illinois. "My wife, Jill, who you'll meet soon, who's drop-dead gorgeous. My wife, Jill, who you'll meet soon, she also has a doctorate degree, which is a problem. But all kidding aside..." he said (via C-Span). Understandably, the comments stirred backlash, as they bordered misogynistic.

Though Joe likely didn't mean any malice, much like Katy Perry's mom-shaming joke on "American Idol," it served as a reminder to call out internalized misogyny. By focusing on Jill's appearance and trivializing her education, he put his wife down in public — and that's not good. "This is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity in the partnership," Samara Quintero, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Choosing Therapy, told Business Insider. "Addressing this behavior with your partner is imperative, and if they refuse to take responsibility or express a willingness to change, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship," they added.