In Defense Of A Fun Fling After An Intense Breakup, Because There Are Plenty Of Benefits

At the end of a long-term relationship, many people swear off dating. If you've been dating someone for a significant amount of time, the idea of getting to know someone else seems exhausting. Of course, time spent alone leaves room to reflect on your past relationship, lean into your friendships, and learn more about yourself. Sometimes, however, this can leave an empty space for those who have been romantically involved for a long time. Allow us to introduce you to a solution of sorts: flings.


After a relationship ends, especially after an intense breakup, you may be prone to making impulsive decisions. According to clinical social worker and psychologist Danielle Forshee, "We're more prone to going back to an ex, going out and letting loose, and doing things that maybe we wouldn't otherwise do, but feel really good so that we can cope with the breakup," she told Bustle. While impulsivity is typically discouraged, a post-breakup rebound might be one way to move forward from your past relationship; and in the process, have some fun.

Casual flirtation can help make you feel desirable again

One of the first things people will tell you after a relationship ends is that it has nothing to do with you, intending to remind you that relationships are much more complex than we know. There are so many factors that go into deciding to call it quits in a romantic relationship, and desirability rarely ever plays a role in the process. Having a casually flirtatious relationship — a person you meet at a bar, a date you met online, or a loose connection replying to your Instagram story, to name a few — can help bring back the excitement of attraction.


Having a no-strings-attached relationship can feel freeing, especially after being bound to a committed one. As Danielle Forshee explained, "I think some people feel they can be more themselves because there's no real endgame," emphasizing that we are way more conscious of being our true selves when it feels like there's something to lose. "They can feel less pressure associated with having to put up that perfect façade." A fresh fling allows you to introduce the truest version of yourself to someone new, and allows someone to meet you exactly where you're at emotionally.

You can be brutally honest without fear of conflict

Healthy relationships are grounded in honesty, but the fear of a relationship changing, weakening, or ending altogether can prevent some people from being entirely honest with their partner. If you've suffered from a toxic relationship, honesty can be difficult when anticipating your partner's reaction. When it comes to a fling, brutal honesty appears courageous, exciting, and even attractive. Saying, "I really like you, but I don't want anything serious," can feel like the easiest sentence in the world.


Additionally, a flirtatious rebound alerts the adrenaline in your body to do and say whatever feels right. While a lot of these feelings are lost within the process of committing to another person, a fling can help you redefine setting boundaries and the power of honesty. If you haven't been single for a really long time, the post-breakup journey can give you an endless list of chaotic stories that you can share with a friend or future partner ("Once after a really bad breakup, I was dating this guy ..."). It's fun, juicy, and builds character.

You'll learn more about yourself

If we haven't sold you yet, try this one on for size. Fun flings will inevitably help you decide what you want, who you want it with, and how you want to be when it arrives. Of course, romance isn't everything, and your friends will be some of your most deeply committed relationships over the course of your life. But experimenting with dating, telling someone new the truth about you, and learning more about a person can help you become your best self. What kind of friend do you want your partner to be? How do they respond to your boundaries? Who do you become when you're with them?


Fling or not, you'll be okay. If it's been a few weeks or months, however, it may be time to experiment with casual dating. You can even incorporate this into your time spent with friends, like having a big dinner party or going to a popular bar. Despite what you may have internalized from your past relationship, dating doesn't have to be hard or serious — you are allowed to have fun. Now might be the time.