Your Guide To Maintaining A Relationship After You Move Out Of Your Shared Space
If you've ever heard the term "conscious resettling," then you may be familiar with moving out of a shared space with your partner. Conscious resettling refers to the idea that physical separation in a romantic relationship can help maintain it, speaking to traditional folklore that distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you're looking for ways to save your relationship and consciously resettle with your partner, we've rounded up some of the best ways to do just that.
Moving out of a shared space can be perceived as taboo. There is, however, something to be said about allowing distance to reconcile a relationship that's faced too much adversity from closeness. Living with a partner, while exciting and money-saving, can also feel suffocating; it's okay to leave room for more space and time apart. As couples therapist Marty Cooper explained to Giddy, "Generally speaking, I want the couple to be in charge of their own decision-making."
Identifying why you want to move out
One of the first steps to establishing distance in a long-term relationship is examining why. "You need to come in being absolutely clear with the intention and then check in with your partner to say: How are you hearing that? There has to be an open dialogue and an ongoing open dialogue," Cooper explained. Before diving into the intricacies of moving out — how far apart you're going to be, how often you'll see each other, or how frequently you'll spend the night together — take time to understand the benefits of this separation.
For example, moving out can allow for both partners' identities to flourish inside and outside of the relationship. If one of you has an interest that the other isn't into, living apart may allow for more self-expression without building up resentment. If your lifestyle habits aren't in tune, living apart can leave room for refining these habits and recognizing space for improvement.
Understanding the relationship will have to adjust
While conscious resettling can help solve many of the day-to-day issues that come with living with your partner, it's important to note that it will still come with problems of its own — and that's okay! "When couples live separately, that does provide additional opportunities for other problems in the relationship," Cooper told Giddy. While this may not seem positive, it's actually a great way to identify and resolve issues without the extra stress of physical closeness.
Additionally, conscious resettlement allows us to understand that no relationship is perfect. There is no cut-and-dry formula to having a happy, healthy, and fulfilling romance, and to consciously decide something is one of the many ways relationships are maintained. While you will have to adjust and deal with the growing pains of sustaining a long-term relationship, it will only shed light on the strength and connection you have with your partner.
Assure your partner that this is not a break up
Above all, resettling does not mean breaking up. In fact, it can make room for more security and ultimate fulfillment than you ever imagined. While living together is perceived as a final step before marriage, there are other ways to live besides what is traditionally done. You are allowed to be vocal about your needs, even if they don't align with what everyone else seems to be doing.
The desire to move out is just as important to a relationship as the desire to move in together. Depending on where you are emotionally and physically, both of these can strengthen your relationship. As clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow explained to GQ, "It just means that you're not ready to live together. I don't know if it will ever get there, but it doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed." If you're avoiding a tough conversation with your partner, it may mean that your relationship is due for a conscious resettling.