Relationship Expert Shares Signs You're Compromising Too Much On Dating Apps
The world of dating apps can be both exciting and terrifying. They make it possible to meet thousands of people in your area (or around the world). Still, they also mean that you must inevitably be judged on a brief, surface-level profile containing only your best pictures and a summary of your entire personality. Figuring out how to craft your profile is just as important as having a good grasp of your standards for digital dating.
"According to Statista, there are over 52 million online dating in America — which is an awful lot of competition," said Pippa Murphy, a dating expert at condoms.uk, who spoke exclusively to Women.com about the world of dating apps. "A well-crafted profile can help you stand out and catch the eye of someone who might be a great match for you." But let's be honest, A good profile can only go so far when weeding through the weirdos and finding a forever match. It's just as important to know your standards, what you're willing to compromise, and what you're not while swiping. To figure it out, we turned to Murphy to give us her two cents on navigating the chaos.
Listen to your gut
It can be hard to get a read on someone after just a few dates, but according to exclusive guidance from Pippa Murphy, your gut always knows — often before you do. "If you find that you feel uncomfortable or uneasy around the person you're dating, then this suggests that you're ignoring red flags, or you're overlooking their behaviors that don't align with your values," Murphy explained. "This is usually a sign that you're settling for less than you want because you're fearful that you can't or won't find anyone better suited." You might feel anxious around your partner because your gut is picking up on something your mind hasn't noticed yet: they aren't a good match for you.
Ignoring red flags or a pit in your stomach can be tempting because other aspects of the relationship feel so good. According to Murphy, though, one tell-tale sign it's not meant to be is if you find yourself making excuses for your partner too often. "It's okay to give someone a chance if they seem like they could fit into your life, but if they start acting like they have no respect for you or your time, then it might be time to cut them loose. You shouldn't have to put up with rude behavior just because someone is attractive, seems nice, or 'has potential'."
Know your standards
To understand what you're compromising on dating apps, you need to have a good grasp of what you're looking for and what standards you'll hold any potential partners to. "When dating, it's important to have standards and boundaries that align with your values and what you want in a relationship," Pippa Murphy told Women.com. Before launching into a new round of dating app dates, take some time and really think about what you want out of your next relationship. What will make you happy? What could be problematic? "Reflect on previous relationships and write down what did and didn't make you happy," Murphy suggested. "Or if you're yet to be in a relationship or have only ever had negative experiences, think about those in healthy relationships that you know. What is it that you admire about them?"
So how do you know what standards to set and what's out of line for you? That's a matter of personal preference. "There are many ways to determine your standards when dating someone new," Murphy said. "Some people use a checklist, others look at the person's past behavior and qualities, while others weigh the pros and cons. However, I recommend a mix of them all."
Hold yourself accountable
Relationships require compromise, but finding a balance between what to compromise in the early days of dating can be incredibly tricky. This becomes all the more complicated when you're dating via an app, and the person you're seeing is essentially a stranger. In order to make your dating app journey a success, Pippa Murphy exclusively told Women.com that dating app users need to stay wary of what they're compromising on their dates. Murphy has a list of red flags she suggests looking out for that might indicate you're losing yourself in the process. The first surefire sign you're compromising too much is if you notice yourself excusing your date's behavior. Additionally, if you begin to abandon yourself, or your interests, that's a huge red flag. "[If] you're unable to be yourself around the person, and feel like you have to be on your 'best behavior' and, therefore, unable to let go," added Murphy, that's another huge red flag.
However, accountability goes both ways. To find a functioning relationship, you will need to set boundaries for yourself and your potential partners. "It's important to set boundaries so that both parties know what they're getting into and feel comfortable moving forward with their relationship," said Murphy. "If a date doesn't respect these boundaries, then it's probably best if he or she isn't part of your life anymore. You don't want to waste time on people who aren't worth it!"
Know your worth
The point of online dating is generally to find long-term relationships. However, it's easy to get distracted by the sheer number of dates and fun nights awaiting you when creating your profile. Keep sight of your endgame, though. In our discussion, Pippa Murphy suggested getting serious about determining what you want in a relationship — not just a fun date. "What are your goals? Are you looking for a serious relationship or just someone who can provide companionship? What traits do you want in your partner?" she said. "There's no right answer here; just think about what's important to you and write down your thoughts before going on any dates."
Most importantly, you need a clear idea of what makes you happy. You may need a financially independent partner, or maybe you want someone creative. Either way, successfully navigating the overwhelming world of dating apps comes down to everyone having different needs in a relationship, and it's equally important to know what makes you happy and what doesn't.
Be strategic
In the past decade, dating apps have unlocked a world of romantic opportunities never before possible. Unfortunately, just as you have thousands of options to pick from when you download Tinder, so do your potential partners. While dating apps can be a fun buzz, they can also be a massive waste of time if you want something serious. That's why it is so important to be strategic about what you include (and exclude) from your dating profile. Remember, you only get one chance at a first impression.
In speaking exclusively to Women.com, Pippa Murphy suggested including high-quality (appropriate) photos and keeping group photos to a minimum. "By taking the time to create a thoughtful and detailed dating profile, you increase your chances of attracting people who are looking for the same things as you. Your profile should showcase your personality, interests, and values so that potential matches can get a sense of who you are and what you're looking for in a relationship."
After you've crafted that perfect profile, you'll want to give it a once-over to ensure you've hit all your marks. Your photos are good, your social accounts are linked (if you want), and you've showcased your amazing personality. Most importantly, make sure you're exuding an air of positivity throughout. "After all," said Murphy, "No one likes to have a conversation with someone who shares a negative mindset, so be open-minded with the details you share on your profile."