5 Benefits Of Bringing Toys Into Your Sex Life (Beyond Making You Feel Good)
When it comes to bringing toys into your sex life, there are two schools of thought: There are those who are all for it, firmly believing that the more assets the better for both partners, and there are those who view sex toys as a sign that something isn't working. To be candid, the only thing not working in those toyless bedrooms is the lack of imagination.
"Let's think of the pleasure spectrum as an ice cream shop," sensuality coach and sex educator Eleanor Hadley tells Vice. "There are so many flavors and combinations of pleasure available to us at all times. Sometimes you'll stick with your go-to classic, but other times you might try something brand new and be sweetly surprised at how delicious it was ... No flavor is categorically better than the other, and they're all simply different ... Adding sex toys into the mix when it comes to partnered sex is simply a way for you to enhance pleasure and experience new sensations."
According to a 2020 study by sexual wellness brand Ella Paradis, 61% of sex toy consumers make purchases for themselves and for partnered play. While this is only the findings of one survey, the fact is, sex toys are very much becoming a part of people's sex lives. In fact, the same survey found that 98% of U.S. adults believe sexual pleasure is essential to sexual health.
If you're unsure about whether sex toys have a place in your sex life, the following benefits might just convince you it's time to try.
It closes the orgasm gap
Although more people with vulvas are learning how to pleasure themselves, and are achieving orgasms on their own and with their partners, the disparity between them and those with penises still exists. This is called the orgasm gap, and it persists because our culture has failed to make the sexual pleasure of those with a vulva just as important as it is for people with a penis.
According to a 2016 study of 52,000 U.S. adults published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 95% of heterosexual men reported that they always or at least usually climax during sex. As for heterosexual women, that number was 65%. While this is just one of the thousands of studies that examine the difference in orgasm rate, no matter which way you turn, the results are always the same: People with penises orgasm far more than those with vulvas.
When you bring toys into the bedroom, you and your partner are closing that gap. For most people with vulvas, clitoral stimulation is necessary to orgasm. In introducing toys like vibrators, those with vulvas are given a greater chance at climaxing.
It opens up a dialogue about desire
While we tend to think of sex toys as dildos and vibrators, that's just the tip of the iceberg. From cock rings to anal toys to nipple clamps to the kinkiest BDSM toys that surpass your wildest imagination, there's a sex toy out there for everyone. Sex toys are a multi-billion-dollar market that's going to continue to grow — not just in financial gains but also in innovation.
Having so many types of sex toys to choose from gives you and your partner the chance to talk about your sexual interests in ways you might not have in the past. Both you and your partner may have fantasies that you were too shy to bring up, but adding toys to your sex life can open up a conversation about specific desires. According to a two-year-long study published in 2018 by Kinsey Institute's Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, 97% to 98% of U.S. adults report having sexual fantasies. With those numbers, there's a very good chance that you and your partner have some fantasies you just might want to share with each other.
It allows for more sexual exploration
Like a lot of things in life, sex toys tend to get grouped into gender stereotypes — like thinking vibrators are only for those with vulvas, and butt plugs are only for those with penises — but it's time to see past that. Vibrators shouldn't be limited to clitorises. Instead, they should be viewed for the multi-purpose stimulators that they are. The sensation that vibrators provide is just as enjoyable on the perineum (that space between scrotum or vulva and the anus) as it is on the clitoris, nipples, or other erogenous zones.
Whether you're masturbating alone or engaging in sex acts with your partner, sex toys can radically expand how you think about sex and sexual pleasure. Half the fun is the exploration. It's always important to keep in mind that sex is an umbrella term for a whole universe of sex-related acts and avenues toward sexual pleasure.
It's a good way to stay on top of your wellness together
We've finally reached a point in our culture where we realize that sex, in all its forms, isn't strictly about pleasure, but also about mental and physical health. While orgasms may feel amazing, what they do for the body and mind is even more astonishing in regard to overall wellness — so much so that people are making masturbation part of their self-care routine.
"In the past, people tended to focus on one area of human wellbeing. But the dialogue has changed. We have a more holistic view," CMO of luxury sex toy brand Lelo, Luka Matutinovic tells Wired. "We now know that sex is one of the key ingredients. Orgasms give us serotonin and dopamine, which also boosts the immune system. It's part of our whole wellbeing."
When you and your partner bring sex toys into the bedroom, it's not just a sign of wanting to experience pleasure together, but to partake in keeping your wellness in check together too. Caring for each other's health in such a way strengthens intimate bonds and you both reap the emotional and physical benefits of it.
It creates a deeper appreciation for the human body
The human body is amazing. Not to get all existentialist about it, but the form of the body is, and all its pieces, an extraordinary work of art that we often take for granted. When we make time to understand our own bodies, as well as the bodies of our partners, we learn to appreciate every aspect of it — not just the genitals, but the whole package. Sexuality and sexual pleasure reside on a very long spectrum, and this looks and feels different for everyone. Getting to know what you enjoy, what your partner gets off on, and how you can bring those sensations and feelings together creates a deeper appreciation of the body. It opens our minds to the complicated fragility of what it means to be human, as well as a sexual being.
Even if you think you've mastered the understanding of your body and your partner's body, there's always more to learn. Sexuality and sexual pleasure ride that spectrum up and down over our entire lifetimes, so nothing is ever set in stone. Welcoming sex toys into your sex life won't just make you and your partner better lovers, but better friends because of the conversations that will emerge from throwing, say, a double-ended dildo into the mix. Now that's a chat that's going to open up a lot of potential for exploration and experimentation.