30 'American Pie' Movie Quotes You Forgot Were Hysterical

Jason Biggs and Eugene Levy looking at a destroyed apple pie in disgust during a scene from American Pie
American Pie via Universal Pictures

Be a true American and read through them all now!

There's Nothing More American Than These American Pie Movie Quotes

American Pie is a movie that captivated young and old audiences a like.

Though crude and not entirely PC, anyone and everyone is a fan of the first installment in the franchise. Though the sequels that followed are all iconic in their own way, nothing beats the original.

Today, we pay tribute to the first American Pie with the most iconic quotes from the film. Check 'em out now!

Best American Pie Quotes

  • "She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!" -Jim

  • "If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed." -Kevin

  • "I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!" -Stifler

  • "I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady." -Sherman

  • "We'll just tell your mother we ate it all." -Mr. Levenstein

  • "You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us." -Jim

  • "God bless the internet." -Finch

  • "It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex." -Jessica

  • "You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit." -Oz

  • "What you want is a partner to return the ball." -Mr. Levenstein

Funny American Pie Quotes

  • "I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you score!" -Coach Marshall

  • "This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy." -Michelle

  • "I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed." -Jim

  • "No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!" -Kevin

  • "I have to admit, I did the fair bit of... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud." -Mr. Levenstein

  • "What's my name? Say my name, bitch!" -Michelle

  • "Suck me, beautiful." -Oz

  • "You've never double-clicked your mouse?" -Jessica

  • "Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny." -Kevin

  • "Hey Stifler, how's the man chowder?" -Kevin

Iconic American Pie Quotes

  • "What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!" -Michelle

  • "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Finch?" -Stifler's Mom

  • "I want it to be the right time, the right place." -Vicky

  • "He got a dick, he's a guy." -Jessica

  • "Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?" -Jim

  • "You came to see me in action?" -Oz

  • "Jim, get some fucking balls. If you can't bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?" -Stifler

  • "Well... you have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you. Strip." -Nadia

  • "Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It will desensitize you. I don't want you cumming so damn early this time." -Michelle

  • "That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor... the good stuff." -Finch

We Want to Hear From You

Which quote made you want to watch American Pie on a loop?

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