The Most Relatable Sex Problems From Sex And The City
When "Sex and the City" debuted in 1998, it was destined to become iconic. The premise, where four single best friends navigated the New York City dating scene was, in itself, a perfect recipe for television success. But what made "Sex and the City" what it was (and still is today) is how the show tackled sex and relationships: fearlessly.
Unlike shows before that tiptoed around sex-related topics, "Sex and the City" (SATC) made sure nothing was off limits. One week we'd see a character wondering if she should try anal sex, while the next week there'd be a threesome going awry. But where SATC scored major points was its normalizing of female sexual pleasure. The taboo that often surrounds masturbation, especially when people with vulvas do it (gasp!), was omitted from storylines and depicted as normal.
"Sex and the City" also destroyed the stigma attached to sex toys. While the rabbit vibrator had been around since 1983, 1998's SATC episode "The Turtle and the Hare" put it on the map. In the years that followed, dozens of women-owned sex toy and sexual wellness companies like Le Wand, Bijoux Indiscrets, and Unbound came into existence. Although watching SATC today sometimes feels dated, it holds up when it comes to relatable sex problems. Right now, there's a woman wondering whether she wants to try anal sex, and another Googling "how to make cum taste better," because these things are timeless: and SATC makes us feel less alone about them.
Miranda faking an orgasm with Josh the ophthalmologist
If there was ever a relatable sexual moment in "Sex and the City," it was the moment beloved character Miranda Hobbes faked an orgasm. According to a 2021 study published in Sexual Medicine, most women have "faked it" at least once. The percentage of women who have faked an orgasm ranges anywhere from 30% to a whopping 74%, according to research. While we know that faking it isn't doing us any favors, the 2021 study found that there are legit reasons why many women do it: hoping to get themselves aroused, not wanting to feel bad for not climaxing, or simply realizing an orgasm isn't in the cards and ushering the experience along.
In SATC's "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?", Miranda (in what one might call an act of charity) has been faking it with Josh the ophthalmologist. When she finally comes clean, Josh has the audacity to ask if she "has a physical problem" because, according to him, no one has ever faked it with him before. After saying he knows all about women's anatomy because he's a doctor (ophthalmology is the study of eyes, FYI), Miranda offers to help him. But even after a lesson about the clitoris, its location, and how it works, Josh still can't bring Miranda to orgasm, so she does the only thing she can do to wrap things up: fakes it, in a sexual finale that has Josh yelling, "I'm the man!"
Samantha and Funky Spunk
If you've ever given a blowjob, you already know that, in the words of our patron saint of sex positivity Samantha Jones, "They don't call it a job for nothing." You also probably know that when it comes to the taste of jizz, it's "never exactly been a trip to Baskin-Robbins," as Samantha so eloquently (and truthfully) puts it. But these two things aside, sometimes you come across a person whose spunk is so funky that the desire to give oral sex completely goes out the window.
Here's the thing with semen (cum, spunk, whatever you want to call it): there's no "right" way for it to taste. What someone eats, their lifestyle, and their ejaculation habits all play a role in the taste and texture of semen, making a variation in taste or smell "normal," as urologist Brian Steixner told Men's Health. "Semen does contain ammonia and other sterile-smelling alkaloids," he added.
Although Samantha tries to fix the taste issue in "Easy Come, Easy Go" with wheatgrass shots, the results aren't as promising as she'd hoped. Ultimately, she tells Adam about his funky spunk and gives one of the greatest blowjob-related speeches ever. In a deal that proves "just how far men would go for a blow job," Adam tastes his own spunk and says he's fine with it (although he's clearly not), so Samantha proceeds to give him head as agreed. Something many of us have probably done for the people we love.
Charlotte's fear of becoming Mrs. Up-The-Butt
In 1998, when the SATC's episode "Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys" premiered, the concept of hetero couples indulging in anal play was pearl-clutching. In fact, it wouldn't be until six years later that we'd see an anal sex scene in "The Mindy Project." So in 1998, when Charlotte's boyfriend says to her, "Tomorrow night after dinner, I want us to have anal sex," it was shocking, but it was (and still is) relatable.
People of all genders and sexualities have been having anal sex since the dawn of time. But in the early 13th century, the Catholic Church stepped in, putting an end to the good times: monogamy was enforced and sex acts that didn't result in procreation were banned. Of course, this didn't mean people stopped doing anal. It just meant that it became taboo. And with that, a stigma was attached, making women question whether they should indulge in beginner butt play because, to quote Charlotte, "I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl ... Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?"
According to a 2016 report by the Center for Disease Control, 35.9% of women have had anal sex, making it fairly common. A 2022 study published in Plos One also found that women enjoy anal, with 9.2% achieving orgasm through anal stimulation, and 11.6% getting "a thrill from the feeling that anal play is taboo." So, it's being had, but the lingering stigma still results in some women asking, "Should I?"
Carrie's lack of sexual chemistry with Jack Berger
Considering Jack Berger broke up with Carrie on a Post-It Note, it's hard to see the guy as a loss. However, it is always disheartening when everything feels right with someone, but you just can't seem to get it to work in bed. Although Carrie first meets novelist Jack Berger in Season 5 episode, "Plus One is the Loneliest Number," the two don't actually start dating until Season 6. Outside of the bedroom, they're on the same page and everything makes sense but, as it's discovered in "Great Sexpectations," their sexual chemistry is so off that it appears not to exist at all. While realizing you don't have chemistry with someone isn't uncommon — and desire for one's partner changes over time — these two are in the "lust" stage of their relationship, where everything should be smooth sailing.
As human sexuality professor Zhana Vrangalova told Shape, sexual chemistry is built on several factors, most notably biological, societal, and developmental factors. While Vrangalova points out that sexual chemistry isn't always necessary or important for "a successful, stable, and loving relationship," this missing component did contribute to the demise of Carrie's relationship with Jack, as it probably has for real-life couples too. Jack's jealousy of Carrie's literary success certainly didn't help the situation either.
Samantha losing her orgasm
You've probably been there: ready to go with a fully charged vibrator. So, you get started on a route to self-pleasure and prepare to experience an earth-shattering orgasm. But it's taking a while. In fact, it's taking a long time. Then, your mind starts to wander. Next thing you know it's been 30 minutes, then an hour, now almost two hours? What is going on? Well, it appears you've lost (or at least misplaced) your orgasm.
We saw exactly this happen to Samantha in "My Motherboard, Myself," in which she spends an entire day trying to have an orgasm. First with a man, then using the faucet in her tub, before finally moving on to the Magic Wand, a sex toy that can usually seal the deal in less than a couple minutes. But there's no such luck for Samantha.
This episode is definitely relatable because who hasn't struggled to climax at one point? What makes it truly great, however, is the way it shows how orgasms can be psychological. Samantha's orgasms are being affected because she doesn't know how to handle her emotions about the death of Miranda's mother. According to the Cleveland Clinic, depression is one of the many factors that can stand in the way of someone having an orgasm. Over the six seasons of "Sex and the City," there were dozens of relatable sex problems, making this just the tip of the iceberg. Give it a rewatch and you'll see.