I recently got out of a relationship (that's right fellas, your girl is single... 😉). Having spent more or less the last three years in a committed relationship, I had not experienced ghosting in my own life.
However, thanks to pop culture and an unending supply of single friends, I was very familiar with the concept. Instead of being an adult and saying what you really think, many #Millennials are opting to simply disappear and never talk to their mediocre date again.
Yup. So let's break this down. Another human takes time out of his or her life to grab drinks with you, take you to dinner, maybe go see a movie. Maybe you even go out consistently for awhile - verging into that awkward "idk we're just talking/ hooking up/ texting casually" territory.
Maybe you realize you just don't feel a spark, maybe that person is just not what you're looking for right now, maybe the chemistry is just flat out f*cking awful.
Regardless, if this person keeps texting you, they clearly don't agree. They are into it. Whatever your hold up is, clearly they aren't seeing eye to eye with you on it.
So what are your options here?
Flat out ignore them for the rest of time.
Be a decent, courageous human being and tell them the damn truth
I went out on a date the other weekend. It was nice. We grabbed drinks after work. He was good looking, kind, and intelligent. But, for whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling it. We didn't fully click; That elusive "spark" wasn't there. At least, it wasn't for me.
At the end of the date, after successfully swerving a good night kiss and his insistence that he'd love to "see me again next week", I began to worry that I was about to encounter the ultimate dating dilemma. I knew I didn't see much of a future with him, even though he was a really great guy. It just wasn't there.
Sure enough, he texted me about fifteen minutes later thanking me again and asking if I wanted to meet up later on that weekend.
Suddenly, I understood the appeal in ghosting. How do you say you're not interested? How do you tell someone you're not into them?
Wouldn't it just be easier if I let it fizzle out through my lack of response?
Ghosting is a thing because it's easy. That doesn't make it right.
Ultimately, I decided to just flat out tell him it wasn't going to work.
My script exactly was: "Just before anything gets too far, thank you so much I really enjoyed last time but I don't think this is what I'm looking for and I don't want to lead you on at all!"
Did I feel nervous sending it? Yep. Was I worried he would accuse me of jumping to conclusions, lash out against me, or even start violently attacking me via social media? Absolutely.
But you know what happened? He thanked me. He said he really appreciated my honesty, and that it was great to meet me too.
No. Big. Deal.
Guess what? I bet he's forgotten about me. I bet he's moved on, taken another girl out on a date, and hopefully found his soulmate. Because you know what? That wasn't me.
But had I allowed him to continue wasting his energy thinking about me or texting me (or honestly wondering if I'm even still alive because I have given him zero response), who knows where he'd be.
It wasn't an insult to him at all - he was great. It just wasn't right. But it's not going to work out with every single person you grab drinks with. That's okay.
But you know what isn't okay? Being a coward and just "ghosting": aka disappearing into thin air because you are lazy, inconsiderate, and you genuinely believe that this person deserves zero respect and common courtesy.
So do the adult, decent human thing: just tell the truth. You'll feel better, and I can guarantee you that the other person will too.
It's time to stop ghosting and start being honest. Ready, set, go.