A man and woman couple embracing on the beach
There Is No 'The One' - But The Patriarchy Wants You To Think There Is
Although romance has its place, it’s important to realize that our current ideas about love are not without a complicated history — a history that involves men pulling the strings.
When marital ceremonies first began happening around 2350 B.C.E., they were less about love and more about binding a woman to a man for child-bearing purposes.
While fidelity was expected of women, it was accepted that men could have as many sexual dalliances and liaisons as they chose. Women had no say in the matter.
The Married Women’s Property Act of 1848 made strides in giving U.S. women independence, but the mentality persisted. Many women still believe in finding "the one."
The idea of "the one" dates back to Plato’s "Symposium," a philosophical text written between 385 and 370 B.C.E. In it, there’s one subject with a very limiting view of love.
Plato wrote that "humans were created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces." Fearing the power of such a creature, Zeus split it into two.
If the two halves met, they’d become "lost in amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight … Love is … [the] pursuit of the whole."
While the theory is beautiful, it resembles a fairy tale. By believing in "the one," you give in to the patriarchal concept that women need men.
In doing so, you give up the power to make decisions and give control to the patriarchy, especially if your belief leads you to endure things you wouldn’t usually permit.
Instead, knowing there is an ocean of matches allows you to shake distorted expectations and take control of who’s good for you, as opposed to who most resembles Prince Charming.