29 Tony Soprano Quotes That Are Seriously Badass

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"The Sopranos" via HBO

Be a wise guy.

Recite 29 Tony Soprano Quotes and Get the Respect You Deserve

While The Sopranos might have ended years ago, we're still quoting Tony Soprano. The beloved head of his household has many hilarious and savage quotes from the HBO hit show. Thanks to his mafia influence, some of his words are iconic and should be repeated often. He's a family man at heart but please, don't quote him to your grandmother. She probably wouldn't like all the f-bombs. Or maybe she would. Up to you. You can still catch The Sopranos on TV but we did the hard work for you. We found some of the best Tony Soprano quotes, ever.

Tony Soprano Quotes

  • "Well, when you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce."

  • "It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over."

  • "It’s almost time for turkey sandwiches!"

  • "He’s gonna leave the house. On a piece of plywood if necessary, but he’s gonna leave the house."

  • "We buried him…on a hill…overlooking a river…with pine cones all around."

  • "If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them."

  • "Bad for the grass! Bad for the grass!"

  • "The only reason I did this is because you’re my nephew, and I love you. If it were anybody else, they would’ve gotten that intervention through the back of their fucking head."

  • "You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?"

  • "You should try tomato sauce for your ass – it’s the Italian version."

  • "We're soldiers. Soldiers don't go to hell. It's war. Soldiers kill other soldiers. We're in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you've got to do certain things. It's business."

Best Tony Soprano Quotes

  • "I wipe my ass with your feelings."

  • "My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself."

  • "Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

  • "What use is an unloaded gun?"

  • "Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody’s gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See, what they didn’t know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings that they wouldn’t be able to shut him up! And then it’s dysfunction this, and dysfunction that, and dysfunction vaffancul!"

  • "Those who want respect, give respect."

  • "Like Popeye says, I yam what I yam."

  • "Jesus fuckin' Christ. How come every piss I take is a fuckin' news story?"

  • "You know my feelings: everyday is a gift. It's just, does it have to be a pair of socks?"

Tony Soprano Best Quotes

  • "You're only religious when it suits you."

  • "The things I take pleasure in, I can't do."

  • "What kind of person can I be, where his own mother wants him dead?"

  • "Log off. That ‘cookies’ shit makes me nervous."

  • "There’s an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth."

  • "All due respect, you got no fuckin’ idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fuckin’ thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end you’re completely alone with it all."

  • "I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype, and it's offensive."

  • "You know where I was yesterday when you called? I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the shit out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap."

  • "You don’t shit where you eat. And you really don’t shit where I eat."

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