103 Real Housewives Quotes That Are Insanely Quotable

via Bravo

103 Real Housewives Quotes That Are Better Than Shakespearean Prose

There comes a time in every writer's career where they accomplish their highest aspirations.

For some, it's winning a Pulitzer prize in writing. For others, maybe a book deal.

For this writer, it's this article surrounding Real Housewives quotes. I researched far and wide (my brain) and found some of the most iconic quotes in Bravo history. If you're unaware of the franchise that is the Real Housewives, let me quickly teach you the ways.

On March 21st, 2006, the Real Housewives of Orange County premiered on Bravo. Originally meant to capture the lives of the affluent members of a private neighborhood, Coto de Caza the show snowballed into one of the most successful reality show franchises. What started as a documentary-style show about women who work in and outside of the home became a phenomenon. Now with more than six cities, viewers have come to love and know the various cast members and scene stealers.

If you're anything like me, you might use Real Housewives quotes in the wild. When I see friends in an elevator I might scream "we always have a gooooood time" before exiting to my floor. When my mom is pestering me about paying my taxes I might ask her why, "she's being like, so uncool." And of course, when my boyfriend makes a mess after I've cleaned I'll simply throw him a, "I MADE IT NICE!" statement and he'll know what to do.

Not only have I made myself proud with this article containing all the most iconic Real Housewives quotes, I hope I've made Andy Cohen proud too.

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The Real Housewives of New York City Quotes

  • "Go to sleep, GO TO SLEEP!" - Bethenny Frankel

  • "Be cool. Don't be all...like, uncool." - LuAnn de Lesseps

  • "Turtle time." - Ramona Singer

  • "What are you doing here without Dorinda?" - Sonja Morgan

  • "I decorated! I cooked! I made it nice!" - Dorinda Medley

  • "Get off my jock." - Bethenny Frankel

  • "This is you. This is me." - Kelly Bensimon

  • "The only thing artificial about me....is THIS!!!!" - Aviva Drescher

  • "Liar, liar, ho on fire." - Dorinda Medley

  • "Take a Xanax, CAAAALM DOWNNNN!" - Ramona Singer

  • "You dumb drag queen." - Bethenny Frankel

  • "She's a thug in a cocktail dress." - Alex McCord

  • "Don't back that shit up and say I did, cause I didn't." - Dorinda Medley

  • "I need Pinot Grigio at all times." - Ramona Singer

  • "I run with a fabulous circle of people." - Jill Zarin

  • "We always have a good timeeeee!" - Sonja Morgan

  • "Light bulb, on my head, Pinot Grigio on my head." - Ramona Singer

  • "You're both white trash quite frankly." - Aviva Drescher

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The Real Housewives of Orange County Quotes

  • "I have never been with multiple partner IN MY LIFE." - Vicki Gunvalson

  • "You are psychotic, Jesus Jugs!" - Tamra Judge

  • "Whoop it up!" - Vicki Gunvalson

  • "I had to go on Xanax for it LYDIA!" - Alexis Bellino

  • "THAT'S MY OPINION!!!!" - Tamra Judge

  • "I am bored with this." - Heather Dubrow

  • "When life gives you lemons, put nine in a bowl!" - Shannon Beador

  • "I'm going to strangle him with an onion ring." - Heather Dubrow

  • "I can't stop eating!" - Shannon Beador

  • "You have a little family van, when do you ever bring a family van to pick up six people?" - Vicki Gunvalson

  • "I'm sorry, do you want me to pop a vein?!" - Heather Dubrow

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Quotes

  • "Prostitution whore! ENGAGED 19 TIMES!" - Teresa Guidice

  • "I don't know if she wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last years Versace." - Dina Manzo

  • "Is "bitch" better?" - Teresa Guidice

  • "Let me tell you something about my family we are thick as thieves." - Caroline Manzo

  • "Pay attention, puh-lease." - Danielle Staub

  • "I never said you were a stripper!!!" - Teresa Guidice

  • "Pasta makes me happy." - Melissa Gorga

  • "When I'm attacked, I will attack back." - Danielle Staub

  • "I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I buy shoes." - Dina Manzo

  • "Your husband's in the pool." - Margaret Josephs

  • "I sat at home with diarrhea for three weeks because of you." - Danielle Staub

  • "I'm usually pretty zen until you fuck with me." - Dina Manzo

  • "You're a clown." - Caroline Manzo

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta

  • "I am very rich, bitch." - NeNe Leakes

  • "That is 265 days a year." - Porsha Williams

  • "Go home wig. Goodbye wig. Go away. Bye wig!" - NeNe Leakes

  • "I will f--king drag you in this bitch!" - Kandi Burruss

  • "I'm gone with the wind fabulous." - Kenya Moore

  • "So nasty and so rude." - NeNe Leakes

  • "Fix it, Jesus." - Phaedra Parks

  • "I am the princess of Thotland of Thotlandia." - Porsha Williams

  • "Close your legs to married men!" - NeNe Leakes

  • "Who gon' check me boo?" - Sheree Whitfield

  • "Shakespeare. Learn it." - Kenya Moore

  • "Keep renting." - Sheree Whitfield

  • "The thirst is real." - NeNe Leakes

  • "He needs to remember how juicy this Georgia peach is." - Porsha Williams

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Quotes

  • "Pat the puss, pat the puss." - Erika Girardi

  • "Own your shit." - Lisa Rinna

  • "You're a slut pig." - Kim Richards

  • "Wow, she's pernicious." - Camille Grammer

  • "If you can't be my friend, just please don't be my enemy." - Taylor Armstrong

  • "You're such a f--kin liar Camille!" - Kyle Richards

  • "Did you know? $25,000." - Dana something

  • "The morally corrupt Faye Resnick." - Camille Grammer

  • "Who is Adrienne Maloof in this world? She's nobody." - Yolanda Hadid

  • "You stole my goddamn house!" - Kim Richards

  • "At least I don't do crystal meth in the bathroom all night long." - Brandi Glanville

  • "No matter how many Chanels you borrow, you will never, ever be a lady." - The morally corrupt Faye Resnick

  • "Thank God for Xanax." - Brandi Glanville

  • "I'm like a cockroach, you can't get rid of me." - Lisa Rinna

  • "This shit is expensive." - Erika Girardi

  • "You do magic now?" - Kathy Hilton

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The Real Housewives of Potomac Quotes

  • "This is gettin' good." - Gizelle Bryant

  • "If you don't behave in Potomac, you may be asked to leave." - Katie Rost

  • "There is no place for her in our social circle." - Karen Huger

  • "Go on chihuahua, go on." - Gizelle Bryant

  • "They need to sit down and take several seats." - Karen Huger

  • "Wherever I sit is the baddest place in the building." - Gizelle Bryant

  • "People come for me all the time. They just don't find me." - Karen Huger

  • "I've played by Potomac rules but now it's time to play by my own." - Ashley Darby

  • "I guess that's what happens when you marry someone in the NBA instead of someone with an MBA." - Robyn Dixon

  • "It's like prom...on crack." - Katie Rost

  • "Our relationship has grown from me wanting to strangle her to now wanting to throw her a birthday party." - Charrisse Jackson Jordan

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The Real Housewives of Miami

  • "She's a recovering alcoholic but who isn't?" - Lisa Hochstein

  • "I slept with like, a million people." - Joanna Krupa

  • "She's done all her best work on her back." - Ana Quincoces

  • "I was so mad I almost ran her down in my Ferrari." - Lisa Hochstein

  • "You're evil when you're sober." - Joanna Krupa

  • "When I was younger I always said that I was going to marry a plastic surgeon so that I would remain youthful forever." - Lisa Hochstein

  • "The devil has many faces honey." - Adriana de Moura

  • "Sit down. I really don't want you to break a hip." - Ana Quincoces

  • "Everyone's fighting and it's all the carrier pigeons fault." - Marysol Patton

  • "When you say boyfriend, you have to use the air quotes." - Ana Quincoces

  • "Pick up a bag and slap a bitch with it." - Lea Black

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The Real Housewives of Dallas

  • "I'm exhausted. My weave is exhausted. The pantyliner on my underwear is exhausted." - LeeAnne Locken

  • "I'm going to need some more tequila." - Cary Deuber

  • "Is this how your mother yells at you?" - Kameron Westcott

  • "Some things, honey, are not worth losing sleep over." - Brandi Redmond

  • "Her husband gets his d--k sucked at The Round-Up. I know the boys who did it." - LeeAnne Locken

  • "They're just hands....but they work quite well." - LeeAnne Locken

  • "It seems so very wackadoodle." - Brandi Redmond

  • "I'm just going to keep drinking." - Stephanie Holman

  • "You know what trust me I got my 6,000 calories in." - D'andra Simmons

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