29 Lucille Bluth Quotes That Are So Savage, You'll Never Recover

Lucille Bluth drinking a cocktail and winking on Fox show, arrested development
via Fox

Arrested Development fans get it.

29 Quotes Prove That Lucille Bluth is the Funniest Mom in TV Show History

Arrested Development makes me laugh every time I rewatch the hilarious show.

Since it's been readily available to stream on Netflix, I've come to the conclusion that Lucille Bluth is the best character on the show. She's hilarious and cruel, all wrapped up into one ridiculous character. Her quotes are insanely funny and for that, we had to share. She might just be the funniest TV mom, ever. Enjoy some of the best Lucille Bluth quotes and be sure to send this to a friend who loves Arrested Development as much as you do.

Lucille Bluth Quotes

  • "I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona."

  • "She thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers."

  • "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it."

  • "It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars?"

  • "You're telling me there's no alcohol? What the hell are we supposed to do for two days?"

  • "I wanna cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture."

  • "Here's some money. Go see a Star War."

  • "I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out."

  • "I'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to get drunk by 1 o'clock."

Best Lucille Bluth Quotes

  • "No sugar for you. You just get more awful."

  • "They're not going to let you in at the country club with that."

  • "I happen to be a more caring mother than most."

  • "We'll pay them off. We'll call it an accrued cash dividend, but they don't get their money until they sign a document at the party promising not to sell for ten years."

  • "What am I doing in a Nordstrom bag?"

  • "And that's how long I've been depressed about him."

  • "Oh, you're so brilliant. Let's see you find it."

  • "No thanks. I have to get back to rehab."

  • "I love all my children equally... I don't care for Gob."

  • "She'd love to get at me any way she could, that's why she's been flirting with Gob. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am. But the joke's on her because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob."

Arrested Development Lucille Bluth Quotes

  • "Can I get a Vodka Tonic please? I’d like a Vodka Tonic please. Vodka Tonic please. A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order!"

  • "Hola. Is Rosa still alive? No? Hmm... Okay, this is not my day."

  • "I don't criticize you. And if you're worried about criticism...sometimes a diet is the best defense."

  • "Someone broke in again! The liquor is gone! All of it. Gone!"

  • "You want your belt to buckle, not your chair."

  • "I know you're awake. Faker!"

  • "You will never get work as an actor because you have no talent."

  • "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."

  • "If alcohol’s the reason I’m here, I got news for you, bub. It’s the only reason you’re here too."

  • "You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it."

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