24 Joan Rivers Quotes That'll Have You On the Floor Laughing

via Instagram: @joanrivers

Dearly missed.

You Need to Read Some of the Funniest Joan Rivers Quotes, Ever

She might be gone but she certainly isn't forgotten.

That's why the following Joan Rivers quotes are so fun, we get to remember the hilarious comedian. Unsurprisingly, her quotes are hysterical. She was a trailblazer in history from hosting a late-night show to charity work, her talent was out of this world. While we sadly lost Joan Rivers in 2014, her spirit lives on through her hilarious quotes.

Joan Rivers Quotes

  • "Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

  • "I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

  • "I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive."

  • "I was smart enough to go through any door that opened."

  • "Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be."

  • "Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hilter read history, too."

  • "I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider."

Funny Joan Rivers Quotes

  • "I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them."

  • "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

  • "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

  • "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

  • "My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

  • "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

Quotes by Joan Rivers

  • "Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

  • "I never dwell on what happened. You can't change it. Move forward. Don't waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It's over. Done. Move forward."

  • "I am furious about everything."

  • "I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage."

  • "When you whisper about something, it's too big, and you can't get it under control and take control of it."

  • "Reading should be a pleasure, not a chore."

  • "Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."

  • "The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark."

  • "You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it."

  • "A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon."

  • "I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge."

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