23 Funny Family Guy Quotes That Are Stewie Approved

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"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap."

Try Not to Pee Your Pants When You Laugh at These Funny Family Guy Quotes

Family Guy might be inappropriate at times but seeing as it's been on the air since 1999, they know their audience. It's one of the funniest cartoon sitcoms in years and we've found some funny Family Guy quotes to send to your friends or use for your next Instagram caption.

If you want more Family Guy in your life then you're in luck. Take a look at some of the funniest things uttered by Peter, Stewie, Brian, and the rest of the family.

Funny Family Guy Quotes

  • "Well, I'd love to stay and chat but you're a total bitch." - Stewie

  • "I got drunk and then got my picture taken so that way when I get pulled over for drunk driving I look the same as on my license." - Peter

  • "If gays wanna get married and be miserable like the rest of us, I saw we should let them." - Peter

  • "I swear to drunk I'm not God." - Stewie

  • "Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet." - Lois

  • "I gotta confess, when you called me, I misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine. Whatever, I'm happy to help." - Quagmire

  • "Damn you I will not be ignored! Get back in here and love me!" - Stewie

Funny Family Guy Quotes

  • "Dance with me, Lois. Dance the dance of life!" - Peter

  • "Go away, fat man." - Peter

  • "What are you looking at? You gonna propose?" - Stewie

  • "A well, a bird, bird, bird, bird's the word!" - Peter

  • "Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, Lois this is not my batman glass." - Peter

  • "When you poop in your dreams, you poop for real." - Peter

  • "Brian, there's a message in my alphabet, It says oooooo". - Peter

  • "Peter, those are cheerios." - Brian

  • "You better watch who you're calling a child, Louis. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert." - Peter

Family Guy Quotes

  • "Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time." - Quagmire

  • "Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. - Stewie

  • "Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary...cause you're a girl." - Peter

  • "Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian." - Brian

  • "How do I look, Brian?" - Meg

  • "You sure do, Meg." - Brian

  • "You don't need meth, you don't need speed because everything is better with a bag of weed." - Stewie

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