20 Book of Mormon Musical Quotes That Are Hysterical

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He's got the golden plates!

The Following Book of Mormon Musical Quotes Will Make You Laugh, Hard

Have you seen the Tony award winning musical, The Book of Mormon yet?

If you haven't RUN to see it. Brought to you by the guys behind South Park it is a hilarious story about two Mormon missionaries who try to spread the message of Mormonism. Yes, it pokes fun at the religion but rightfully so. If you have a fantastic sense of humor, take a look at some of the funniest Book of Mormon musical quotes below.

Want to see The Book of Mormon? Buy tickets for the musical, here.

Book of Mormon Musical Quotes

  • "Oh Japan! Land of soy sauce! and mothra!" — Mormon ensemble, Two By Two.

  • "I cant believe Jesus called me a dick" —Elder Price, Spooky Mormon Hell Dream.

  • "Imagine that your brain in made of tiny boxes, and find the box that's gay and CRUSH IT. Okayyyyy?" — Elder McKinley, Turn It Off.

  • "Why are Mormons happy? It's because we know it's a latter day tomorrow." - Ensemble, Tomorrow is a Latter Day.

  • "I'll do something incredible that blows God's FREAKING mind." - Elder Price

  • "Look, we've all had the spooky hell dream, people!" - Elder Price

  • "I have maggots in my scrotum!" - Mafala Hatimbi

Book of Mormon Quotes Musical

  • "Orlando! I love you, Orlando! Sea World and Disney and putt putt golfing!" - Elder Price

  • "Uganda? Cool. Where is that?" - Elder Cunningham

  • "Find the box that says gay and CRUSH IT, okay?" - Elder McKinley

  • "The most important time in a Mormon kids life is his mission." - Elder Price

  • "People back then had even worse AIDS," he explains. "Behold, the Lord said to Mormon Joseph Smith, ‘You shall not have sex with that infant.' Lo, Joseph Smith said, ‘Why not, Lord?' And thusly the Lord said, ‘If you lay with an infant you shall burn in the fiery pits of Mordor. A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith. I shall give unto you a frog,' and thus Joseph Smith laid with the frog and his AIDS was no more." - Elder Cunnhingham

Book of Mormon Musical Lyrics

  • "HELLO! Would you like to change religions?! I have a free book written by Jesus!" - Elder Cunningham, Hello

  • "Two by two, and today we'll know who we'll make the journey with and where we'll go we're fighting for a cause, but we're really really nice! We are the army of the Church of Jesus Chirst! ... Of Latter-day Saints!" - Elder Cunningham and Elder Price, Two by Two.

  • "If you dont like what we say, try living here a couple days! Watch all your friends and family die! Hasa Diga Eebowai! (Fuck you!) Hasa Diga Eebowai!." - The Ugandans, Hasa Diga Eebowai.

  • "Turn it off, like a light switch just go click! Its a cool little Mormon trick! We do it all the time when your feeling certain feels that just dont feel right treat those pesky feelings like a reading light and turn em off, like a light switch just go bap! Really whats so hard about that?." - Elder McKinley, Turn It Off.

  • "The prophet Joseph Smith DIED for what he believed in. But his followers, they kept on heading west. And Brigham Young led them to paradise. A sparkling land in Utah called... Salt Lake City! And there the Mormons multiplied, and made BIG MORMON families. Generation to generation until finally... they made me. And now its my job, to leave you where those early settlers were lead long ago!" - Elder Price, All American Prophet.

  • I'm making things up again...kind of.But this time, its helping a dozen people! It's nothing so bad, because this time, I'm not committing a sin, just by making things up again, right?!." - Elder Cunningham, Making Things Up.

  • "Down, down thy soul is cast! from the Earth whenceforth ye fell! This must be it, you must be there, you must be in... Spooky Mormon Hell Dream now!" - Ensemble, Spooky Mormon Hell Dream.

  • "I believe that the Lord God created the universe. I believe that he sent his only son to die for my sins. And I believe that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America. I am a Mormon and a Mormon just believes." - Elder Price, I Believe.

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