How To Know If Your Spouse Is Actually Cheating On You

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Don't miss the clues.

Cheating Spouses Are Actually Pretty Easy to Catch

You can usually spot the signs of his infidelity by paying attention to body language.

Many women worry about their husbands cheating, but don't know the signs to look for. Instead, they blindly trust the bond of marriage to protect them from the infidelity of their husband. Because of this, many a husband gets away with cheating, even when his body language clearly indicates he's having an affair. This article will teach you to listen with your head, instead of your heart, by showing you common signs that indicate your husband is cheating.

Trust your gut, your intuition usually is your first sign!

This is often the first signal that something is off in your relationship, even when you have no evidence to back up that pesky gut feeling that something is wrong.

He stops initiating casual touch with you.

Couples in a healthy relationship often share little touches, such as a casual bump when passing in the hallway, or a gentle caress. These brief displays of intimacy may not seem like much, but if they stop, it's a sure sign that his mind is on something or someone other than you.

He doesn't look you in the eye anymore, especially when being intimate.

It's hard to lie, especially when looking someone in the eye. When it comes to looking someone we love in the eye, and telling them a lie, it becomes almost impossible. Because of this, a cheating husband will not usually be able to look you in the eye when you're being intimate, because he knows it's a lie.

The emotional quality of your relationship has changed.

If your husband starts caring less about you, or your marriage, and worrying a lot more about himself, it could be a sign that he's cheating on you. A faithful husband will be focused on your future together, while a cheating husband will be more worried about his future, without you.

He starts keeping secrets, not telling you little things he used to share.

When your husband stops sharing little things with you, like stories from the office, or a challenge he might have overcome, it's a bad sign. Men aren't usually the most talkative creatures, but they have an instinctive need to show off accomplishments and successes to their wives. If he stops showing you, he's either going through a major crisis, or showing another woman.

He's always traveling, and you're never traveling with him.

Some jobs require travel, however, they don't require always being alone. Your husband can plan a long weekend or special occasion with you when he's traveling. The only reason for him not to at least occasionally do this is because he doesn't want to spend time with you. If he isn't spending time with you, then who is he spending it with?

He is working much more, and spending less time at home.

Much like the man who travels constantly, the man who is always at work usually has other reasons for being away so often. Unless he's a lawyer working his way up through the firm, or a doctor earning degrees and establishing a practice, he either doesn't want to spend time with you, or he's spending it with someone else. Either way, this is a sure sign of trouble.

What used to be 'we' time is becoming 'me' time.

Happy couples like to spend time together. They take walks, go to the movies, and even play games. Sometimes, they just sit next to one another, while one reads a book and the other watches TV. It's about being together, and if your husband doesn't want to be together anymore, his actions will show you. Time he would have spent in bed next to you will turn into time alone in another room, which is a sure indication that something's up.

He makes and receives phone calls in private.

This is another big red flag. Only a man who doesn't want you to hear what he's talking about takes or makes calls in private. Usually, the only time your husband doesn't want you to hear what he's talking about is when he's cheating, or talking about you.

He has more than one Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter account.

This is just like the email account problem discussed above. If he's going to the trouble of keeping many different accounts, it's almost certainly because he's either already cheating, or planning to cheat in the future.

He keeps his Kik, Skype, Viber, or WhatsApp accounts private.

Instant Messages are the new email, and because they're more private than regular SMS and Text messages, it's fairly easy for your husband to cheat on you without your knowledge. While you shouldn't expect to read his messages or spy on his phone any more than he should expect you to read them and give a summary of the important ones, there's nothing wrong with glancing at his screen from time to time. If he's hiding it, chances are he's hiding more than just a message.

He doesn't participate in group gatherings of family and friends.

However much we like or dislike our relatives, spending time with them is part of being married. So is spending time with friends. If your husband stops spending time with friends and family, especially in group settings, it's a sure sign that something's wrong. Maybe he's planning to leave, or maybe he is cheating on you and doesn't want his other woman to see you together.

He starts arguments out of nothing, and then leaves the house.


This one seems so obvious, yet many women miss it due to being so distraught over an argument they can't understand. This is because it hits them from out of nowhere, and then they sit home wondering what they did wrong to make their husbands leave. This is sad, because a husband who starts a fight over nothing and then leaves the house is either looking for an excuse to leave the house, or not expressing his true frustrations. Both are signs of deeper problems, often involving infidelity.

The level of attention he gives you drastically changes.


If your normally passionless man suddenly becomes a charming powerhouse of passion, enjoy it, but pay very close attention to him. Likewise, if your man of endless passion suddenly turns cold, take that as a warning sign too. He's likely either giddy with joy in another woman's arms, or he's gone cold because she's taking all that heat and keeping it for herself.

They no longer want you to do laundry

"When your spouse stops letting you do his or her laundry or drop off his or her dry cleaning, you often have a cheating situation on your hands," says Masini. "There may be evidence on the clothes or in the pockets, and it's much safer for someone who's cheating to handle their own laundry and dry cleaning." She says to pay attention to a spouse who acts like they're doing you a favor, because it's more about keeping a secret.

Your spouse is too cool about the cell phone

Most women who think their man is having an affair will immediately ask to see their phone to scroll through texts and incoming/outgoing calls. Don't be fooled if he lets you, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, MD, author of the book The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. "If he gives you full access, it's a sign he may have a second phone," Dr. Haltzman says.

Or, he won’t let you near his phone

Helen, a married mom with a toddler son, says her husband never had a password on his phone because their child loved accessing the fun apps. All of a sudden that changed, and when Helen asked for the four-digit code, her husband declined and typed it in privately. Red flag alert! "Something is definitely wrong," says Laurie Puhn, JD, a couples mediator in private practice in New York City and author of the book Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In. Passwords should be shared in a marriage; there are random times when you need the phone number for the plumber and it's in your husband's phone or email account, or you need to check an e-receipt that was sent to your husband. "It's not that you need a list of his passwords, but should you ask for one—for a legitimate reason—he should give it to you," says Puhn. This should not be a big deal. By not telling you the code, your spouse may be admitting to a secret of some sort.

However, be careful jumping the gun before flat out accusing your partner

While some or most of these signs may be present within your relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean your partner it cheating. It may very well mean that there are issues within the relationship that need to be addressed. If your partners behavior is making you uncomfortable you should be able to air your concerns in a safe environment where they can either be dispelled or confessed. The rest is up to you and your partner to work out. Every relationship is different. A lot of relationships bounce back from infidelity if the underlying issues that lead the partner to stray is addressed.

However, sometimes, it's just that the relationship isn't right and you were being wronged while innocently unaware of any impending affair, and it just sucks. Clearly there are lots of signs that your partner may be being less than faithful, but in the end, if there is any one of these signs to listen to, it is your gut. You intuition often catches subtle body language and non verbal communication that makes up the majority of human interaction. Whatever kind of relationship you're in, you should at the very least feel emotionally supported and safe.

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