30 Things You Can Say to Both Your Toddler and Your Drunk Friend

1. Where did you go!? I told you to stay right here.

2. Why are you walking like that? Do you need to pee?

3. Please don't hit. Hitting is bad.

4. I will help if you ask me nicely.

5. I can't carry you everywhere! You're going to have to walk.

6. Please stop asking if we are there yet. I'll tell you when we get there.

7. Let's try to leave our shirt on.

8. If I have to ask you to sit down ONE MORE TIME.

9. I know I said you could have one more, but it’s too late now.

10. We don't eat food from strangers.

11. No, I won't give any more money.

12. Hold my hand as we cross the street, ok?

13. Try not to drool on your shirt.

14. Look at the mess you made!

15. It's very rude to point.

16. You don't need to touch everything.

17. Can you use your "inside" voice please?

18. It’s not good to touch our private parts in public.

19. Stop looking at me like that.

20. We aren’t leaving until you eat all your food.

21. Yes, those are boobies, but we don’t touch them.

22. I know, "boobies" is a funny word.

23. It’s not polite to stare.

24. I don’t think you should put that in your mouth.

25. Let’s try to keep all our clothes on in public.

26. I am not playing that song again. We heard it 15 times.

27. Keep your fingers out of your nose.

28. Chew with your mouth closed, please.

29. Don’t pee in the street!

30. You can’t nap here. You need to go to your bed.

We all have to deal with a toddler/ adult drunk sometimes!

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