These 15 David Spade Quotes Are the Funniest Thing You'll Read Today

via Columbia Pictures

You know the drill.

Best David Spade Instagram Captions

David Spade is well-loved comedian and actor who's had legions of loyal fans since he first appeared on Saturday Night Live in the 1990s. He still sometimes does stand up, is in the occasional movie, and now has a show on Comedy Central, "Lights Out with David Spade" where he looks the events of the week through an irreverent and hilarious lens. If you love his witty one-liners and friendly, everyman banter, we've selected a few of his best quotes for Instagram captions to accompany your pics. Make your posts pop with help from and David Spade!

Good David Spade Instagram Captions

• You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

• Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, "Oh, he's good."

• My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

• In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

• My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.

Great David Spade Instagram Captions

• Life's a garden, dig it.

• I asked my ex-girlfriend, “Do you think we’ll get back together?” She said, “I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.”

• I'm just lucky to know someone that's that sweet and pretty.

• I have no detectable hair style.

• Single guys get a bad rap.

Hilarious Insta Quotes From David Spade

• Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

• On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.

• I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

• Birthday Week should be a movie starring Kristen Wiig, not an actual thing you are desperately trying to organize for your life.

• Yeah, yeah...we all read that in 'Who Cares' magazine.

What is your favorite quote about private jet travel? We want to know!

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