For the most part, we all have our dating patterns. If you look back on your entire dating history, you'll likely be able to put something together. After a few months (or years, in some cases) of dating someone exclusively, when things fall apart and end abruptly, we take some space from dating. This is when we call up our ever-so-reliable f*ck buddy. However, sometimes loneliness can take over. Or maybe you really did just figure out your attraction to this person goes beyond the bedroom.
Whatever the case, if you've discovered you have the feels for your f*ck buddy and want more, there are simple ways of figuring out whether or not this can turn from late night bedroom fun to a full-on relationship.
Here is my advice to those of you looking to transition from a late-night booty call to potential partner:
First of all: Yes, it is possible
We aren't always open to meeting someone new when we stumble upon someone new. After a few casual hangouts (and after some of the dust has settled from any previous relationships), it's not unusual to realize "Hey, this human is pretty damn cool." In fact, many relationships do start off this way. The pressure is off of both of you since you're thinking it's just a casual fling. This allows for you to get to know someone a bit better, actually, since you are more inclined to act like yourself and are not constantly wondering where it's going.
Hang out with friends
If this person is someone whom you've never hung out with outside of a bedroom, see if they are open to hanging out at your favorite bar with you and a few friends on a Sunday afternoon. If you're nervous, you can approach it as casually as possible: "Hey, Josh! Wanna come over today?" If he says "Yes," then throw in there: "Awesome. I'm heading to ____ with my friends in a bit. Wanna meet me for a glass of whiskey? And then we can go back to my apartment where I can sit on your face."
If they're a true fck buddy -- not just a fckboy -- this shouldn't be a hard no. It's a chill approach, and your friends who know you well can better gauge whether you two have chemistry or if you're just lonely and have gotten attached to someone for the wrong reasons. And if the fuck buddy does initially say he's free, but then suddenly can't come to the bar or wherever to see you when you have clothes on, well, then, I'd say take that into much consideration moving forward.
Ask if he or she would like to grab a bite one night this week
Yeah, that's fucking terrifying. Asking anyone out is fucking terrifying. But if your friends have given their stamp of approval (meaning they saw more to the relationship than just genital compatibility), then asking them to meet up for dinner shouldn't be anything outrageous. After all, you both have to eat.
And now you have your second hang out that has nothing to do with sex (even if that comes after). Can you two carry a conversation in this setting? Do they ask about your family and career and passions? If so, that person likely cares about more than just getting (and I fucking hope they are also giving) an orgasm.
Continue doing this!
If things have been progressing and you two are officially hanging out on a regular basis, then Kudos, babe. Keep hanging out and, honestly, it might just organically happen if you sit back, relax, and let it. But if you are still unsure....
Have the talk
LOL I know. You're sweating bullets, because, by this point, your hopes are probably way up.
I am not telling you to formally sit this person down and demand to know whether or not they feel the same. What I am suggesting is that you let this person know you would like to see if things could possibly go somewhere. And if it's a No, please understand that this is not a reflection of your worth.
This person got into a sexual relationship with you under the impression that's all it would be. They may not be looking for anything right now, no matter how well you two click. And if this person isn't a total jerk, then eventually, you two can go back to being friends or potentially friends with benefits again (if and only IF you can handle it). And now that you know if it's a "Fuck Yeah" or a "Fuck No," you can plan accordingly: Either continue to build the relationship or move the hell on with your nasty self.
But I do want you to know that if your f*ck buddy isn't interested in pursuing anything deeper, that doesn't mean anything is undateable about you. That particular relationship just wasn't the right fit to be something more.