20 Embarrassing Things All Dog Owners Do But Totally Keep Secret, 'Til Now

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Owning a dog is a whole other world, a world filled with slobber, love, and kibble effing everywhere.

You may know dog people who love their dogs... but you have no idea how deep that obsession can go. Because having a dog changes your life, in the weirdest, best way possible. They just want to keep some of their habits on the DL.

1. Dressing Up Your Dog With The Gentleness That You Would Show A New Born Baby

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And it's not just the clothes. Suddenly you're thinking about feeding, pooping, and sleeping all the time. What's the difference, really?

2. And Spending More Money On Them Than You Do Yourself

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The doggy receipts are the most secret of all receipts. It's a truly embarrassing amount of money.

3. Taking Your Dog Every Place You Possibly Can

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And even some you really shouldn't. The coffee shop? The doctors? The moon? Your pup is coming along.

4. Day Dreaming About Your New Pup Constantly

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Pretends to have been working and not thinking about how soft Max's fur is.

5. Making Doggy Friends In The Park And Loving It

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And will never admit how much you prefer them to people.

6. Secretly Comparing All Other Dogs To Yours

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And none of those other dogs will be on tenth as cute as yours, obviously. You can get get bitchy AF about defending your dog if you need to.

7. Using Your Dog To Meet Hot Guys, If You're Single

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You always try to send your dog in the directions of hotties, then try to work out if they're single or not. It's an art.

8. Spending Way Too Many Hours Just Petting Your Dog

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Petting your dog, staring at your dog, playing with your dog. Sometimes a whole evening goes bye and it's all just been quality doggy time.

9. Getting Ridiculously Excited About Seeing Them When You Come Home After Work

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Nothing is as good as watching your dog lose their sh*t when you walk in the door. That— and that alone— is true love.

10. Having Full Out Conversations With Them

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They definitely speak human. And English. They speak human English. And you talk about everything.

11. And You Get Frustrated They Can't Talk Back

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If only their vocal cords would work, they could tell you how much they love you. You know they want to.

12. You Spend Way Too Much Time Trying To Teach Them Tricks

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Even if that trick is just laying down. Laying down and looking adorable. You're always impressed.

13. Flopping Their Ears Around Is Your Favorite Pastimee

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You lift them up so they touch, scratch behind them. They're just so soft.

14. Facetiming With Them When You're Away

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It's too hard being away from there. You need to reconnect. Your partner/parent/roommate is the only person who's seen this in action.

15. Sitting Still Forever If Your Dog Is In Your Lap

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Your legs are numb but your soul is strong.

16. Planning Elaborate Birthday Parties To Totally Spoil Them

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But it's almost only just you buying them a million presents. And a doggy bone cake. And a hat, obviously.

17. Constantly Think About Getting Another

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One dog: good. More dogs: more good. It's just science.

18. Worry About Playing Favorites

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It could get ugly, real fast. Like choosing between children, but harder. But you'll still probably end up with another.

19. Scrolling Through Photos Of Your Dog On Your Commute— Yes, The Dog Has Its Own Album

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But. They're. Just. Too. Cute. How could you not?

20. Essentially Just Preferring Them To Human. All Human. In Every Way.

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Shhh... don't tell anyone.


The crazy level obsession that goes with dog ownership is hard to keep under wraps. But you've got 39 photo albums on your phone to prove it.

SHARE if you're obsessed with your canine friend!