Getting a spray tan is one of the most awkward experiences in existence. Combine nudity, close proximity to strangers, lotion, and paper underwear— and, well, things are going to get weird.
1. This Is Definitely Going To Look Great. Definitely.
You know that there's a 50 percent chance you're going to look like an Ooompa Loompa. You are willing to take the chance.
2. How Dark Do I Want To Go?
And ultimately you say something incredibly vague like, "Dark, but not too dark. You know?" They do know, because it's what literally everyone says.
3. The Paper Underwear Is Coming. The Paper Underwear Is Coming.
You know it will be there. You know it will be awkward as hell.
4. The Paper Underwear Doesn't Fit. The Paper Underwear Doesn't Fit.
Whether it's a but cheek, some pubes, or your whole damn vagina— something is going to escape. But they've seen it all before.
5. Better Hide My Underwear
For some reason, when you make that awkward little pile of your belongings, you always hide your underwear in it. Because, you know, it's not like they're seeing you in nothing but a bit of a paper, right? Hiding your underwear will definitely protect your dignity.
6. Being Basically Naked With A Stranger. This Is Totally Normal.
You look (and feel) like the world's worst porn star.
7. Does She Have To Be So Close
Why is she like two inches away? It feels like she's examining every bump and lump. Sure, she's just doing her job. But it doesn't feel like it.
8. I'm Gonna Smell Like Rotten Cake
I don't care how much better they're getting at making fake tan smell OK. It's still not great. Come on, science— help a girl out.
9. Am I Standing Funny? I'm Definitely Standing Funny.
Legs too far out, trying to get every nook and cranny. It's like your posing for a famous painter but, you know, way worse.
10. What If I Picked The Wrong Color?
You always panic when it's too late to do anything about it. You've committed now. You're in this.
11. How The Hell Am I Supposed To Get Dressed Now?
You put on those clothes like you are trying to stop a bomb from going off. There has never been a slower getting dressed process in your life.
12. HOLY CRAP I'm Too Brown
Don't worry, it's just the bronzer that they use to mark it. And you know that. But you still feel like a damn fool when you see yourself in the mirror.
13. It'll All Be Worth It
Looking brown without having to fry your skin in the sun? You'll be back.
Getting a spray tan can be a scary experience, but stay strong. Because everyone has problems with the paper underwear.
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