13 Hilariously Savage Responses To The "Why Aren't You Pregnant?" Question

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"Why aren't you prego?" Because you don't want to be — end of story.

It's absolutely ridiculous how many people think asking you really personal questions abut children is OK. But the truth is, there's no need to take it. If they're going to ask that kind of question, they should get an answer just as ridiculous.

1. "Because I've Met Your Kids, Aunt Kathy."

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And they were enough to put me off for life.

2. "I'm Just Not Into Parasitic Growths— Weird, Right?"

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They steal all your nutrients. That's what they are.

3. "Yeah, Having All This Expendable Time And Money Is The WORST."

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It's a real pain living in a constant state of treat yo' self.

4. "I Prefer My Vacations Without Poop And Crying."

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Seriously. Why would you ruin a perfectly good vacation?

5. "I Know, It's So Weird I Don't Let Societal Pressure Dictate My Life!"

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You're having a good time and doing exactly what you like. You should definitely change that for someone else.

6. "Why Do You Feel The Need To Ask Such Deeply Personal Questions?"

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I never understand why people feel OK to ask about these sort of things. And you totally have the right to make them feel uncomfortable.

7. "Jealous?"

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I swear, that's why so many people are so interested.

8. "I Have No Hole In My Life I'd Like To Fill."

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It's amazing how hard it is for people to believe that you're doing just fine. You may need to remind them.

9. "Why Is That Any Of Your Business?"

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It's what everybody is thinking when they're asked the question. What's wrong with saying it?

10. "You Wouldn't Be Asking If You Could See My Bank Account."

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Seriously, kids are expensive. And you can ball instead.

11. "Did You Hear Yourself Ask That Question?"

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They need to learn. It's just not OK.

12. "My Partner And I Know Where To Buy Condoms. Crazy."

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I hear they're really popular these days.

13. "I Like My Vagina Intact, Actually."

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THEY RIP. THEY CAN EFFING RIP DURING CHILDBIRTH.

14. "Because I Said So."

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It really should be all the the explanation anyone needs.


We've all been the subject of some really awkward questioning— especially around the holidays. But the good news is, you don't need to take it. Have some fun with it instead.

Have a great way of handling the question? SHARE your stories!