13 Reasons Why Having A Dog Is Actually A Death Sentence
It's not just because you'll die of cuteness.
You might be thinking, "A death sentence? Surely having a dog can't be that hard." Oh, but it is.
You will get repaid with cuddles and kisses, so it just might be worth it, but becoming a dog mom means giving up life as you know it. Here's why:
1. Dogs take all your money.
Food, toys, leashes, collars, sweaters & booties for cold weather...not to mention vet bills that are so much higher than you ever anticipated. And, somehow, you can't help wanting to spoil your puppy.
2. You turn into a human pooper-scooper.
No matter how glamorous and intriguing you were in your former life, as a dog owner, you are basically nothing more than a human pooper-scooper.
3. Dogs chew up your most valuable possessions.
Prepare to say goodbye to all the material possessions you love the most. Those Louboutins? Gone. Your expensive leather couch? Decimated. Favorite cashmere blanket? Covered in drool.
4. Your nice, clean home is riddled with fleas.
You don't know what deep cleaning is until you've de-fleaed an entire home. Multiple times. Because those suckers do not die.
5. Your bed is no longer your own.
Gone are the nights of sleeping like a queen in your California King. Sure, you'll try to keep the dog out of the bed, but "puppy dog eyes" have their rep for a reason.
6. You lose hours of your life taking cute photos.
Everything your dog does is so damn cute that you literally can lose hours each day getting capturing every precious moment (and crafting the perfect Instagram caption, natch).
7. Ditto cuddling.
Don't say we didn't warn you when you get lost in a giant, fluffy dog cuddle and forget your responsibilities.
8. You stop going out.
Your dog is your new go-to excuse when you don't feel like going out on Friday nights. "Sorry, I can't leave the dog alone for that long!"
9. Your sense of spontaneity is dead.
Last-minute weekend getaway? Not so fast. Fido requires 24-hour surveillance.
10. Dogs stunt your sex life.
Dogs don't have the sense to look away when you're trying to get it on. They stare. They kill the mood. They feel no shame.
11. Dogs steal your thunder.
It's a strange feeling when people stop talking to you and just directly address your dog instead. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy???"
12. Dogs require your full attention.
Forget those sleeping-in-late, never-stepping-foot-outside days. Kiss those happy-hour-turned-cocktail-hour evenings goodbye. Your dog needs to go out, and you've gotta be the one to do it.
13. You will probably outlive your dog.
Chances are, you'll outlive your fur baby–and life just won't be the same without them.
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