These Jay Leno Quotes Will Make Leno Fans Extremely Happy
These Jay Leno Quotes Prove Why He Was The King Of Late Night
He was once the king of late night and certainly had a successful and extraordinary career. He had some big shoes to fill once Johnny Carson left The Tonight Show but he certainly changed the comedy world for the better. Enjoy some funny quotes from the gear head himself. He's been in some hot water lately so let's see if his jokes are still funny, years later.
Jay Leno Quotes
"You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh."
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."
"It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead."
"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"
"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
" Corporations complained about [safety] regulations, but let's face it, people walk away from accidents now that would have killed them when I was a kid."
"I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go."
"There's nothing more frightening than a day job."
"I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak."
The Best Jay Leno Quotes
"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
"My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?"
"Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed."
"In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously."
"Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it."
"For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber."
Funny Jay Leno Quotes
"Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand."
"Now they're saying all this terrorist activity could lead to higher oil prices. When asked why, the oil companies said, "Cause everything leads to higher oil prices." In fact, the price of crude oil could hit $80 a barrel. That's not crude -- that's obscene."
"Here's an uplifting story. Congratulations to the Little League team from Huntington Beach, California. Yeah, they beat Japan to win the Little League World Series. That's pretty good. See, that proves that when math and science aren't involved, our kids can beat anybody."
"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
"The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."
"The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it."
"If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy."
"I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada."
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