1. For real Southern women, every zoo is a petting zoo.
2. The higher the hair, the closer to God.
3. There are few situations in life that can’t be fixed with prayer or duct tape.
4. Dirty Laundry is to be divided into 3 piles: Darks, Whites, and Camo
5. Any respectable child’s education begins with the words “Woo Pie Sooie” as soon as they are capable of producing sound.
6. The correct procedure for the forecast of the slightest suspicion of rain is a mad dash to Kroger to stock up on enough non-perishables to feed your family for a year.
7. The term “traffic jam” refers to five or more trucks honking at a cow in an effort to inspire it to finish crossing the road.
8. It’s perfectly normal to assume the color of your blood is due to the fact that you bleed Razorback red well into your teens.
9. Ain’t nothing wrong with a healthy respect for the terror that is the Boggy Creek/Fouke Monster
10. This structure, though built in 1973, shall forever be referred to in your book as “the new Memphis Bridge.”
11. There has yet to be discovered a meal which Rotel dip can’t or should never be worked into.
12. The Memphis and Little Rock Airports are the gateways to the rest of the world.
13. The proper response to a request for tea is “Sweet or Unsweet?”
14. What happens on the river in Hardy, stays on the river in Hardy.