Funny Tiffany Haddish Quotes to Use as Instagram Captions

Tiffany Haddish sitting pretty in a yellow gown at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party
via Instagram: @tiffanyhaddish

"I was basically the Flava Flav of Bar Mitzvahs."

Funny Tiffany Haddish Quotes to Use as Instagram Captions

When it comes to funny, no one does it better than Tiffany Haddish.

Every single word out of her mouth has us splitting our sides with laughter, and she doesn't even have to try. She's just that hilarious all the time.

So if you're looking for a truly humorous Instagram caption, Tiffany is the girl to turn to. Scroll below for 30 quotes from this comedic woman that make the funniest IG captions around!

•"I'm sleep but, I'm woke."

•"I was basically the Flava Flav of Bar Mitzvahs."

•"I boo-booed in his shoes because he was putting me through a lot of dookie, so I decided he needed to walk in it."

•"I feel like I should be able to wear what I want, when I want, however, many times I want. As long as I Febreeze it."

•"My ass is deadly. That man is dead."

•"I couldn’t get into the gang."

•"I just felt like a booty assassin."

•"It's like I'm taking a nap but doing a lot of stuff, all at the same time."

•"So I ended up getting out of pimping, because I didn’t make much money."

•"Groupon had speed dating six or seven months ago, so hopefully they bring that back."

•"I’d rather sleep in my Geo Metro in the cold, than sleep in a bunk bed because bad things happen in bunk beds."

•"I've built a whole career off of being funny, trying to, you know, keep from getting punched."

•"When you laugh, it like, massages all of your organs and it's just like, lighting you up and I think it's so dope."

•"I'm the last Black unicorn. I'm a magical creature."

•"I was sleep, I didn't like this mess."

•"I love when I pass the bottle to myself."

•"We smiling at the future because we know it’s bright."

•"The secret to my recipe is I smile the whole time."

•"I asked him if he'd let me hit that."

•"The key to making joyful greens is to be joyful."

•"I’m not at liberty to say what had went down at the party, but Beyoncé was just telling me to have a good time."

•"I learned from Roger Rabbit that if you make people laugh, they'll do anything for you—which is almost true."

•"I like to see teeth. I guess maybe I should have been a dentist."

•"I wanna meet Meryl Streep, so she can be my mama."

•"She ready!"

•"The state of California paid so much money to make sure I don’t die ‘cause they knew I was gonna be special."

•"I’ll adjust my schedule for butterflies."

•"I think of comedy as my man: It's the one thing I can always rely on that will keep me safe, keep me fed, put a roof over my head."

•"The master plan is to be like little baby Oprah."

•"If it doesn't come with a check, then I'm not interested."