If You Ain't First, You Last With These Ricky Bobby Quotes

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These Ricky Bobby Quotes Will Definitely Make You Laugh

These Ricky Bobby quotes remind us how much we love Talladega Nights.

Ricky Bobby is the guy that everyone hates to love. He's a number-one NASCAR driver who has plenty of wisdom to share with the world. Ricky Bobby dedicates his entire life to regain his former glory, so there's got to be something we can learn from him. Although most of his advice is pretty outrageous, these quotes are worth checking out.

If these hilarious quotes by Ricky Bobby aren't useful, at least they'll make you laugh. Live out the true southern culture with these 19 Ricky Bobby quotes.

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Funny Ricky Bobby Quotes

  • "Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said..."I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."

  • "This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons."

  • "Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence."

  • "Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet."

  • "I'm not sure what to do with my hands."

  • "Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f**k you."

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Hilarious Quotes By Ricky Bobby

  • "Shake and bake."

  • "Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!"

  • "Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!"

  • "You sick sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs...all fat and cocky and lookin' at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt."

  • "Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America."

  • "You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?"

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Classic Ricky Bobby Quotes

  • "From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo."

  • "I'd love to sign your baby!"

  • "I'm all jacked up on mountain dew!"

  • "Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers."

  • "I'm just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?"

  • "How 'bout we go get kicked out of an Applebee's?"

  • "Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox."