Let These 30 Johnny Carson Quotes Bring Light In Your Life Today

johnny carson late night tv host the tonight show quotes
The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson via NBC Studios

Here's why Johnny Carson will go down in history as TV's greatest late night host.

Encouraging Johnny Carson Quotes

These Johnny Carson quotes will make you appreciate the origins of late night TV just a little more. His legendary role in The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson entertained Americans for a whopping thirty years. Even when he retired from the show, his legacy held up strong.

During his glory, no TV anchorman came close in comparison to Carson. Something about his charm and humor kept viewers hooked. He discussed everything from politics and marriage to money and happiness. We can all learn something from Carson's wisdom.

These funny and relatable quotes from Johnny Carson will make your day. You'll learn just how important it is to smile more and worry less.

These Johnny Carson Quotes Will Make You Smile

  • "I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

  • "Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples."

  • "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself."

  • "Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony."

  • "People pay more to be entertained that educated."

  • "Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."

  • "An oxymoron?... What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?"

  • "In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy."

  • "Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented."

  • "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."

Appreciate Life More With These Johnny Carson Quotes

  • "If life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators dead."

  • "Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college."

  • "If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."

  • "Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."

  • "Did any of you stay up all night to watch the royal wedding? It was really sweet, wasn't it? Fairy tale romance. To bad they had to spoil it and get married."

  • "I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty."

  • "Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."

  • "Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday."

  • "Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."

  • "When turkeys mate they think of swans."

Best Johnny Carson Quotes

  • "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

  • "Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat."

  • "Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."

  • "For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but the phone calls taper off."

  • "If God didn't want men to hunt, he wouldn't have given him plaid shirts."

  • "If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."

  • "Ed and I were out last night and I asked him why he drank so much. He said he drank to forget. I asked him, 'To forget what?' And he said he couldn't remember."

  • "Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'"

  • "The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."

  • "Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak."

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